its amamzing that we can have such an amazing and beautiful weather even thou its november. its even the END of nov...and e have like 15-18 degrees and big sun, everyday. almost everyday.thats amazing. well atleast if you come a country where, during winter you can count the sunny days on your right hand. this fall has been incredible! we have had like 2 weeks of rain, in total(!!!) this fall...thats not alot. today i had promised myself to "ta det lugnt", a.k.a take it easy on the transporting myself too much..8since i have had  a this huge cold for like a week now so no jogging or swimming untils over) buuut since i am who i am, i couldnt resist taking a walk which i ended up doing for 4 hours...well i didnt walk all the time, i had a coffee at the end but still.. but itwas such a beautiful weather i just had to go out...so i took the bus to pl. universitat and walked down from there. 

plaza universidad

then i walked down la rambla for a while..

and then i walked for a short while in el raval...

then i came to la rambla again...

then i came to plaza real.. which is a square that im absolutely IN LOVE with

apparently there had been a market of some kind this morning that unfortunately was about to end when i came to pl. real....

then i went for walking in the niegbourhood closeby..=)

and then i came to the harbour=)it didnt even cross my mind going to the beach but when i saw the harbour between the buildings i knew i had to go there, it was like a current of some kind that drew my attention..

i had a crepe salado. with ham and cheese. delicious! AND i had crepes with nutella for breakfast that the colombian couple that im sharing the flat with had made for me...so crepe x 2 for me today;P 

this is my favorite café..buenas migas. tehy have like 7of them here in barca, but the one at the beach is def one of my favorite ones=)

but when i got there i suddenly didnt feel like having coffee anymore so i went to the beach instead and sat there ona becnh, just listening to music and watching people passing me by...

and then it got cold so i decided that i really needed a cup of hot coffee so i went to buenas migas again and it was so funny becus there i saw this girl who was wearing these white shoes that apparently many swedish girls like to wear (ive never seen them before i got to know my ex roomie Lisa who was from göteborg who loved this brand) and then i looked up and i thought i recognized the girl and it turned out that it was a swedish girl and her dutch friend who me and ellinor and celeste had become friends with when we had coffee at another buenas migas couple of weeks ago=) their friend complimented celestes jacket i think and they srated stalking and then it runed out that one of the girls was dutch (and so is celeste)  so they strated talking and then when susan, the dutch girl found out that me and elli were swedish she said that her friend johanna also was swedish and then they moved to our table and we ended up havinga really good time and we exchanged numbers and so on....really ncie girls! but we havdent seen them since that time so i was really surprised and happy of course to see them today=) sp i went up to them and said hi, do u remember me, which they did and e talked for a while and then they went out to the "uteserveringen", the tables outside and i ordered and payed for my cappuccino (whatelse:P) and went out and took a chair next to them.  thats what I love about international cities! you can just accedently bump into someone that you ve only met once and you can have a really nice and very random time with them... i forgot to take a picture of them with my itouch (the battery in my professional camera had unfortunately died after exhaustion of taking too many pictures today:P). but they seem really nice and sweet!

so today has been a really really really ncie day! now im gonna do some "home work" so to speak...its not really home work but its for an idea that we have to introduce for my teacher in my fashion course in 22 weeks so i rather have it done now instead of in the last second...

que tengais una buena noche!

love, h 

i woke up today in a good mood! i cant put my finger on hat it could be but i just feel more free for some reason...maybe it could be the affirmations ive been doiong lately that have kicked off..dont know...but it doesnt really matter WHY i feel good today as long as I feel good=) yesterday i saw parts of Love Actually and this morning I saw the rest of the movie. its such a great and mysig movie! specially around christmas time. i just love every second of it. i love the actors, i love the music, i love the caracters, i love the story in the movie, how can you not love somethinng that is based on LOVE? and what is cute about this movie is that its not only about happy love stories, its about unhappy love, tough love between sisters and brothers, love between husbands and wifes, wifes that have cheated on their husbands and so on. and what is particurely cute about this movie is that they show that Love actually is for EVERYONE, not only for adults but for kids aswell=) and i find that adorable. becus its true u know. love is not only for grown-ups, its as much for kids  as it is for grown-ups.  and also that you can turn something "ugly" to something amazing, like when colin firth went to his house in south of france to work on his book and he found his love in his helper=)  and that he actually flew all the way to her town in portugal on xmas to be with the love of his life. so cute and so romantic! very inspiring i must say.

yday i went to ikea for the first time since i moved here, it was actually really easy to get there. just to hop on on a bus that actually goes form my street just 2 blocks away form my place...and it takes about 10 minutesand then ur there...

it was a great feeling to be at ikea. its a close to sweden as I can be at this moment=)

im gonna go for a walk now. wish you a beautiful day chicos!

love,

h 

blev idag inspirerad av en idé som jag fick idag medans jag skrev ett mejl till vän som behövde råd.

så jag googlade vackra ting och hittade de här bilderna:

have a beautiful day!

love,

h   

today i went to the gym for the first time in over 2 weeks i think, i went swimming and omg its sooo nice1 its like all the energy(especially if its been negative energy) that has been trapped inside ur body gets released...in swedish we have a saying called, "som balsam för själen" which means literally, "like condiotioner for ur soul" and it really is! this week has been quite ...hmmm...well not very good but the swimming part totally changed that in just 30 minutes. before going to the gym i was quite worried about my future and stuff but something happened while swimming...its like all my negative thoughts just swam away somewhere...far away. im now not as worried as i was before. not everything has gone away obviously but most of it has which is the most important part. i tend to forget that there are many people that are kind of in the same situation as me, that they come here and they dont know who their friends are, or they find some good ones and then those friends move back home and you have to find new ones...but when you have done that for 7 years then its gets quite tiring...but whats the option my dad usually asks me. good question. what is the option? moving back to sweden and study there? never in a million years...i live for the thrill of living abroad, to getting to know new people from different parts of the world. i couldnt imagine moving back for good...thats just not me.... i love getting to know knew people and get friends from all over the world. but it WOULD be nice however to have some good friends living here for long while..i know that u shouldnt depend on your friends, and you shouldnt judge ur inner "security" of whom u hang out with but what if you have had to get to know new people almost every semester/year...how would you do? you need a base. u need a home where you feel secure. u need good friends whom you can laugh/cry with. friends that stay in ur life. period. that you can count on. or is that just me? am i chasing something that i shouldnt chase?am i chasing the impossible? should i in reality just let go, just like what i wrote about couple of days ago? or would that mean giving up on my inner dreams? or should I keep on "looking" for my dream? looking sounds better than chasing. chasing sounds rather desperate, doesn it?;P i know i have to find my inner security within my self...i know that and i AM working on that, ive actually been working with for 1½ year now and it IS getting better. i DO feel alot more secure about my self now compared to a year ago...but that doesnt change my life thou...what my life looks like. im not complaining, becus i love my life, im just telling you what it is to me. i know that life is differnet for everyone. not everyone needs a security net around them all the time, like a group of good friends, or a family that they can trust on, some people dont need to have an interesting job in order to be happy etc. but for ME, that IS IMPORTANT. and for me it IS important to have many good and stable friends around me that I KNOW will be there and that like to do fun stuff with.  sigh.... jag vet varken bak eller fram...

jeje, ill figure something out...im sure it will be amazing.=)

what do people do when are worried about stuff? do they cry, do they scream? do they hold it inside of them? do they talk about it with their friends and family? do they say nothing? i think people think im a kind of person that doesnt worry about stuff. but they are wrong. well it depends on what you refers to. usually people worries about the small stuff. i dont do that. thats unnecessairy, like if someone said something to someone, like gossip, or coming late or something, but I do worry about the future.  will my way of living prevent me from having a boyfriend? will it prevent me from having a husband and a family? since i get bored so often and always need new challenges ,( would be so easy if i wanted to stay in the same country..but nope...i had to be that kinda person who needs to move around;P) i need therefore to move to different countries/cultures in order to get the most of it and to feel alive. i get so restless so fast, u have no idea. and at the same time, i get so afraid of beginnings of new things when i dont have rutines and stuff...im a very contradictory kinda person as you can see;P  

but i do love my life, dont get me wrong, ive had the wonderful opportunity of meeting and gettting to know so so so many wonderful people from all over the world that i wouldnt trade for anything in the world but however...it does involve alot of lonely moments and lot of thoughts of how uncertain my future is... i mean what it will look like... people probably think that my life is awsome since ive lived abroad for i cant even remember how many years... and my life IS amazing, ive been able to do so many things that so many people , atleast back in sweden, have not seen, like living in different cities and different countries but...what people probably dont know about me is that i have some serious commitment issues;P not only to boys but to (girl)friends aswell. i cant have anyone too close to me (not talking about fysical closeness, but more mental (?) closeness..becus im afraid they will interrupt my freedom which is the most important for me... why else would I move to 4 different places in 7 years?;P kidding aside, thats not the main reason, i mostly do it becus i need lot of challenges in my life, maybe more than most people...its a wonderful opportunity but also a curse;P becus it gets away of me finding real closeness to people... people say (or more gurus, coaches etc) that you chose your life. but for me, it feels more like life choses me...feels like i dont have any control over my life. things happen and i get sad or happy and i decide to change whatever that doesnt work or i try to solve it but for some reason it doesnt work and i decide to move to another city/country and i get friends there and for some reason it doesnt work there either and i get unhappy so i decide to move to another country.....u see the pattern?;P im not saying that i give up easyily, its not like i give up the second things dont work for me, i did live in italy for 1½ year and in paris for 3½ year...and i dont regret moving at all becus i do feel so much better here in bcn but it def feels like life chose me and not the contrairy, u know? it feels like i dont have anything to say, univers is the creater of my life and the other way around;P but i guess theres a reason for that. everything happens for a reason, or dont happen for that matter...and maybe i dont need to have control over my life like most  people do (not saying that everyone else is the same and im different, im just saying what my life is like)... but what i DO know is that i know im here for a reason and that it feels like im supposed to be here for a reason and hopefully be here for a while (i hope to find  a job here after my studies are finished so i can continue living my amazing life here;P and have a reason to live in the warm Spain instead of cold Sweden hahaha).

so as you can see, not always so easy to live by urself abroad for a long time...however i wouldnt trade my life for anything in the world...

so by saying that... i want to say good nite to everyone (or good morning, depends on when you read this=))

im reading this book written by an american Joe vitale which is called " Zero Limits", its basically about how to heal ur self by saying affirmations that you love your self. and by loving your self you not only healing your self but you re healing the world aswell. its a very fascinating book. and i agree on  it. ive done some healing of my self for the last couple of days and it has def healed me. i usually feel better right away after healing myself BUT

...a very interesting phrase was in one of the chapters:

" it began to dawn on me that almost everyone - even the self help experts who try to teach us how to live (including me) don´t have a clue what they are doing. they are still missing a piece of the puzzle. They get to a point where they think what worked in the past for them will work for all times in the future, and for everyone else. but life isn´t like that. We´re all different and life is always changing. Just when you think you got it all figured out, along comes a new wrench and your life looks out of hand once again"

i find that very reasuring that its not only my life who seems to work like that. that henever i think ive got it all figured out, something else comes along and turns itall  around...but i guess that is what makes life interesting...right? 

but its very scary at the same time. to never have something 100 % figured out. becus it can make you very frustrated and nervous. or maybe we should just try to LET GO and let it come to us. becus whether you believe in life or not becus when we need something the most (subconsciouly) univers will give it to us but it/the love might not come from where you thought it would come from. sometimes it comes from a completely different place. its the same thing with having a plan of what your life should look like. we all have a plan. whether we are aware of it or not. we get it form when we re very young and as you grow older that plan either modificates it self or it stays the same. but the base usually stays the same. btu the real question here is that if we should let it control our life or not? of course its good to have a plan. I do. but since life has a life of its own (atleast for me;P) maybe we should try less to controle it and just go by the flow. i dont mean that we shouldnt take things or jobs or relantionships seriously, becus we should, but if life throws us out in the water once again, then maybe we should just let it throw us in the water and accept it instead of fighting it. becus life isnt supposed to be black or white. its like if your trying to put a square into a hole. it doesnt fit does it? 

its like if you still havent found a boy/girlfriend, maybe your not supposed to be in a couple right now. then ur probably supposed to do something else at the moment instead of searching and searching all day long. or if your looking for a job that you think you want but you cant find it no matter how much u look, then ur probably not supposed to have that job, i think the second you LET GO, it will come to you, the second you let go of the thought of having to controle ur life, it (whatever your looking for or want) will show up in your life but it might nit be in the form or look that you thought it would look like from the beginning.

its scary to let go. believe me I KNOW. i still cant let go. but im doing my best to let go of things. and im getting there, small step at a time=) we people are trained to controle our thoughts, our actions etc. but does it makes us more happy? i dont know. i dont think so. becus the people that i know who have let go, they are the ones who are happy. so what if our plan doesnt work out. whom is to judge what is right or wrong for us? so what if "my" plan of lets say becoming an actor didnt become real. or if i wanted to become a doctor or a football player but it turned out that i sucked at it or if i wanted to have an own café but after many years of trying to sell cookies it didnt work well and i have to sell it or whatever. so what if our plan doesnt work out the way we thought it would look like. as long as we re happy. and what makes us happy? maybe we dont know that. some people do. at a very early age, and i admire thos epoeple who do. becus im def not one of them...unfortunately. i would love to be one of them but im apparently not supposed to have a life like that...but im trying to let go. im trying to find what makes me happy. when i was younger i didnt think so much about happiness. i thought life would be easy. i thought i would find a boyfriend an quite early age, go to university or something similar and then move in together, then get married and then get a baby...but life doesnt work like that. well it does for some people. and thank god for that! becus if everyone would be lost then the world would go under;p we (a.k.a MOI) need those really calm people who knows what they want (a.k.a they are really sure of them selves whether they have a boyfriend or not) in order for me to have something to stand on when i fall. becus I tend to fall many times;P and without that net...I would probably not be where I am today...so everyone in my life ho has your life all planned out and you know how to get there without falling, thank you for being in my life and thank you for exisiting! 

ok ive got to many points here, im not even sure where my point from the beginning was...when i get into a writing mode i can never stop...its like the story is writing it self, not me. 

ok.... so my ppoint was/is that we should try to let go of the would´hv, should´ve, could´hv.:s and try to just let go and live our lives to the fullest (i know that sounded very...something...but yeah...) and just keep on loving our selves and our surroundings (not only the people we have in our life but also where we stay/live, eat, walk, run, think, transport our selves etc). becus everything and i mean EVERYTHING gets easier when we love something, it can me small, it can be big,  when we love, we are one with univers and when we re one with univers, life gets easy. and e shouldn sweat the small stuff. thats unnecessairy, just keep on loving ur self and evrything around you and try to let go of whatever negative thought you have right now and forgive your self for having negative thoughts earlier (whether it was a year ago, 3 years ago) or sides of your self that you didnt like about your self. love, forgive, say thanks to uivers for what you have in your life right now and LET GO. that way you get into "zero limits" and from there you can live the way you want ur supposed to live=)

lots and lots and lots of love!

hanne

my constant source of security (trygghet). of course i have many more but if id upload pictures of all of my inspirations then it would never end...;P

me and my mum this summer in a msall summer village called torekov

ny niece whom i just love more and more for every day that passes by

my sister and her daughter bianca, my niece

my beloved dog, Donna. i miss you!

my dear father=)

my oldest sister=)

and finally my best and my oldest friend charlotta=)

this semester im trying to find myself, what i like to do, what i dont like to do, what I am and so on. so i read books, i get advice from people who already have found their selves, i watch movies etc and i find it really interesting. Ive always been that kinda person who observes other people, whether they are new or old friends of mine. and I observe how they do things or atleast try to do things, try to be them selves and for a long time ive thought that its only me who is on the search for my true me, but apparently i was wrong. i thought that whoever i become friends with already know who they are but recentrly ive discovered that that is probably not the case. people use protecction to not to get hurt or to not having to shoe people who they really are. lets say that a girl  has a big self-confidence but a lo self-esteem and that girl try to convince everyone that she is awsome, that she is always right about things, that she can do things really well, she is not afraid to talk to people etc. or she laughs alot. or she talks alot. period. would you say that she has a big self-confidence or a big self-esteem, both or nothing of the above? as i previously said, ive always observed people. tried to figure out if what they are showing to people is the real them or if they just use protecction. i know that i also use protecction. probably all the time. but im trying to let go of that protecction. its def easier said than done. but im trying. so thats why im (and also becus it fascinates me) observe people to see how they act. do they say things or act in a certain way becus they think that that is what expects from them? that ur supposed to be in a certain way in order to be accepted..that is something that ive unfortunately always believed in but recently ive discovered that it is the other way around. who cares if ur not like everyone else? no one is like the other person. everyone has that flaw that is perfection.

and one more thing that i find interesting is the will of saying yes to things when we in reality knows that we dont feel like doing that at all. we say yes to drinks when we just want to stay home watching a movie with a cup of coffee, we say yes to dinners when we in reality just wanna do nothing. we say yes to trips maybe hen all we feel like is doing things on our own. we are trained to say yes to things becus that shows that we are spontaneous, we like to do fun things and plus we are so afraid of saying what we really think or believe. we are so afraid of what other people would say or think IF we would say no. we think that if we say no to an event or drinks or whatever, that person will think that we are boring. but if we really think about it, it doesnt matter what the person thinks of us. i think its better if try less to fit into the box and do what feels good to us, what makes US feel good. becus if it would be the other way around, lets say that you have made plans with some friends to go out for a drinka nd then clubbing and one of your friends say after the drinks that she doesnt feel like going clubbing and that she is going home but that that you should go to the club without. would you judge her thinking that shes boring? probably not. becus u know that you will have a good time with your other friends. and just becus someone says no to a thing doesnt necesarily means that the person in question is boring, it just means that she knows what SHE wants, and she has enough respect for her self to say no if theres anything she doesnt feel like doing.  of course there are situations where we should say yes and not no just becus we dont feel like it becus there have been plenty of situations where ive said yes to things and ended up having a great time. but i think that people should think more of what THEY need, what makes THEM happy for the moment. becus, why waisting time doing something that u know ur gonna hate or not enjoy when you can say no and enjoy UR time doing what YOU want to do. 

on this journey ive thought it is only me who has been afraid of saying no to things but ive discovered that i am far from being the only one who is afraid of saying no or saying what they really belive is good for them. and i have to say that it is conforting, knowing that im not the only one who is trying to find my self or trying to find what my bounderies are (is that how the word is spelled?). i believe that you should always be true to ur self, whether its saying yes to things or saying no. or it doesnt necesarily means saying no to things, but just giving UR opinion instead of just agreeing with other people. to agree with people is something that I grew up with, becus its very important in Sweden to agree with people becus we are sooo afraid of conflicts and i guess we dont really know how to act if someone is out of the blue speaking their mind about whatever you re talking. we wouldnt know how to act and plus it makes us very uncomfortable to really speak our minds so thats why we just agree with what other people say or think becus its easier that way.

it feels like something is changing inside of my mind this semester. ive realised so many things about people or just life in general  and that feels great! each day taht goes by i come one step closer to my self and its really a nice feeling. im not there 100% yet but im getting there. but one thing that has def made me more confortable with life is realsing that i dont need to be perfect in order to be loved. its actually (i know that ive mentioned it before but just cant resist saying it again) the flaws in people that make them who they are. and it made me so much more relaxed in being my self. the world doesnt end if you dont do a thing perfect or if you say no to a thing or if you dont do everything on your to-do list of the day or week. my whole life ive gone against my self. on what i believe. ive always wanted to be a "rebell", saying the opposite of what pople say, usually it concerns my family (maybe they dont know it but thats the way it has been for me;P). if they think something i think the other waya round. if they say, i like blue, then i i say" I like red", just to be stubborn about it. if they say, you should be like that, then I say" but i think like that" it didnt matter what MY original thoughts of the subject were. becus i thought i was a coward if i agreed on what they were saying/thinking/believing. it never occured to me to think what I need or believe. but this semester ive realised more and more that i actually AM quite similar to my family and that theres nothing wrong with that. (my family will probably sing halleluja if and when they read this;P). so believing that i dont need to be perfect in order to be what i believe is perfect and thinking what I feel is ME and not going against my self is what has made or is making my life alooot easier. 

its funny becus all what ive believed in my whole life has turned out to be totally wrong. why didnt i do what I feel is ME instead of giving so much energy into being someone that im not? well its better to realise it at the age of 16 instead of realising it at the age of 50 i guess;P

im gonna put on some clothes now and go out for a coffee in the rain:P

yes its hailing down cats and dogs but i courldnt care less, ive got an unbrella and good shoes so im sure i will be fine=)

have a beasutiful sunday!

love,

h

yday we went to tibidabo, a village on top of a mountain 20 minutes bus ride from Barcelona. e went there late afternoon, around 4pm ish. we were all tired from the last couple of nights partying/staying up late because one of our friends went back to switzerland in the night between friday/sat) but it was still really really nice to go on a day trip outside of bcn! we enjoyed it alot! we actually went there to go the the amusement park that they have there (althou I went there just for the purpose of the beautiful view). it s a beautiful place to have an amusement park at! its on the highest top of the mountain (whatever the name of it is..) just west of Barcelona. there was so many kids rrunning around everywhere, might not be the best place for solitude if thats what ur looking for;P but it was still nice just to see something new. we took alot of pictures, we had a great(?) meal ata  very touristic but still ok restaurant, and then 3 of us had bouht tickets and wanted to try the roller coaster and then it turned out that they had bought the wrong tickets...so in the end they couldnt go on the carousels that they wanted to try...poor girls. they were so disapointed when they came back ...so we decided to go home instead...which was a wise decision becus the line to the bus was huuuuuge. so we had to wait for like 40 minutes or something but it was still kinda nice..its usually the most bizarre moments that turn out to be the moments that you remember, not the moments where everything went perfect;P and i might have to add that we stood on a mountain where it was def more chilly and cold than what it is in barcelona;P 

catalunya...bus station

it turned out to be a beautiful day!

beautiful wiew from the bus ride

we re here!

been waiting for about 40 min and we were cooooold;P

our very beautiful shoes...

it was really nice and very quiet I might add on the bus ride home....no one said a word...everyone was, except moi, half asleep...

my friends had plans to go out that same evening...dont know where they got the energy from...me i was exhausted..so i decided to stay home yday night..it was sooo nice! just HIMYM and a movie and food=)yummy!