the more and more that I listen to friends or people in my surroundings talking about their problems or bad things that have happened to them, minor or bigger things, about love or about guys or girls, or friends or really anything it makes me think about more and more about all these fears that are behind every person´s eyes. everyone is afraid of something or someone. not necessarily phusically afraid of someone but maybe fear of what people will think of them if they say this or that or if they act like this or that. and it hits me that there are soo many people in this world being afraid of not being good enough. ot good enough if they are not beautiful enough, or smart enough or if they dont have a career or if they have physical handicaps or if they deal with severe sickness or diseases or if they are all about attention but deep down really insecure about themselves...and one more thing ive noticed is that girls usually think, or rather they have got the wrong perception of what they guys want in a girl, that in order to be able to be in a relationship you have to be strong and confident in evevry kind of situation all the time and that its a sign of weaknes to show your vulnerabilities when its really the opposite. what ive noticed through experiences in life and with guys is that they dont care if you are insecure or if you have a disease or if you re lazy or if you re always nervous about stuff or if you dont always love yourself or if you have physical impairments...cus all they want is you. with all your flaws and imperfections. and its the same thing if we look at our friends for example, we dont care if our friends or sisters or brothers are not perfect. we dont care if they are sometimes lazy or angry or sad or if they re not good at sports or at maths or if they are insecure. we love them becus of all this. 

                      but unfortunately people, myself included, tend to think that we have to be perfect in every possible way in order to be good enough. that its not good to show ur emotions or if your not happy with something specific is something we have learnt that that its not a good thing. and we think that og, i have all these fears, i have so much insecurities that its impossible for me to be good enough. we think that we have to be confident all the time andthat we have to smart or good at this or that and that we have to have a perfect life and that evevrything i our life has to be perfect in orer for us to feel good enough or good enough for guys (at least for us girls, dont know what its like for guys about girls). or that we girls always have to be nice to guys in order for them to like us etc.

                   there are so many fears in this world it almost scares me. its not always easy to get passed by fears in general but if we can look beyond all of our fears we could discover that theres nothing TO fear. becus if theres fear, theres lack of love and if we look at ourselves with love instead of thinking, omg, im not good enough becus im feeling this negative feeling right now, then we will relax and just laugh at it insetad. becus if we feel love, we dont feel fear. cus this world needs more love or we will go under. with so many wars and starvation and depressions etc we, all of us, need more lve and the way to get love is something that we sometimes tent to forget and that is love for ourselves and through our own self love give love in one way or the other to other people. and be thankful for what you have and for what you are and you will recieve more love. 

              i could go on and on about this subject but i hope that at least i can change this world with the love that i can give through my actions and words. not to get more love but just to give love. (and sometimes to get love back;P). but in the most selfishless way of course;P.

wish you all a beautiful new week of more love=)

amore/hanni

the roses are ufortunately not for me=( they belong to a friend of mine but I thought they were so beautiful so i just had to take a picture of them. Flowers always make me happy. i remember when living in Paris and I used o go to a market every other week or so at Bastille where they had food and clothes and they also had these gipsys who sold flowers for like 2.5 euros so i always used to buy a buquet of roses becus, why not? the flowers made me smile everytime i looked at them.

This picture is from today when I went skinny dipping with a friend of mine whom i hadn´t seen since before xmas so i thought it was time for some updating. and it was such a bautiful day today. it was really hope and spring that was in the air=)

love.love

yday i had drinks with a quite new friend of mine who lives here in malmö. a very sweet girl. and very good drinks too. more love=)

right now im listening to a quite old song called "Crazy" by KC & Jojo. they made a song called "All my life" many years ago, maybe 15 years ago or so and i remember lovig that song so much, also becus of what it reminds of ( a trip to <san Diego) and its sooo beautiful. I love those older songs, that hip hop era that lasted during the 90´s was something that I remember loved listening to. it didnt necessarily have to be hip hop but those kinda bands was something i really loved. Babyface especially with his smooth voice, KC & Jojo and their song "All my life", P Diddy and his cover of the song "I´ll Be Missing You", Coolio and his song "I´ll see you when you get there"... they belong to such a nice music era. chilled, laid back, more about the music and the lyric instead of the cars and jewellery etc. more real somehow. more passionated.

The song "All My life" is filled with so much passion. so much love and compassion in the song that it makes my cry a bit. my heart fills with so much love that it almost explodes. 

couple of weeks ago, on a saturday, i decided to go to Copenhagen for the fashion week. I had been there two days previously with my sister and i got this ticket which made it possible for me to use the train to cph for free and also the entrance would be for free, which was really cool and i knew fashion week would last until saturday so i went there with full of self-confidence just to arrive at the Hall niticing that it was empty. no people there. the door were closed. i understood absolutely nada. niente. rien.i was positive that fashio week was on that day..i went back and forth, not knwing what to do, i even asked a girl who looked really cool i her outfit if she might knew what was going on but she had no idea. i maybe wet back and forth for about half an hour or so until i looked at my ticket when i saw that the fashion week in that building was finished the previously day...nice... or noooot. which ment i had gone there for nothing. and u know, i went there so confident, thinking i would go and take photos of evevrthing and soak up the cool atmosphere and all the cool people and stuff, and nada. niente. so much for being confident and "cool". sigh...

         but since i love walkng aorund by myself discovering new cafés and other places i decided i would walk around and just take photos of ppl and of the nature. cus Cph is a really cool city, so beautiful with all its French inspired arcitecture and their cool cafés and stores. so i walked around takig photos instead. i found this really beautiful channel with beautiful trees and buildings and ppl walking and jogging around the water. it vwas very beautiful and plus i hadnt seen that part of CPH before so that was cool. after a while i went to the center (this place was a bit outside the centre), but it was quite cold so i didnt stay outside for very long. so i went to book stores and cafés and shopping malls instead to get a bit of warmth. 

       i stayed there for maybe 5 hurs or so, it was really nice to see CPH even tho it would have been nicer with some company. its always nicer to share joy..sometimes it can get  abit lonely to go by urself but if that means staying inside and not discovering new places then i rather go by myself so i can see and discover new places so in the end i usually neve regret doing it.

quite beautiful huh?

theres something majestic about big bridges...they re so big and pompuos. me like that alot.

and theres also something soothing about water and ice...i just love it.

cph is the city of bikes..so there are alooot of bikes everywhere...

found this balloon rather cute....

next time i hope i get to discover cph with someone next to me. but until then, i wish you all a beautiful evening.

and i hope u enjoyed my photos=)

amore/Hanni

a while ago i had thoguht alot about that i really wanted to take pictures of the beautiful snow and i put it off and put it off until the perfect day came and i decided to do wíth while walking our dogs. it was a beautiful day, very calm and just nice. and the thing about taking pictures of animals is that u never know what the pictures are gonna look like since dogs are just like children, they move their bodies so much that every second is worth taking pictures of them. so i took like a thousand pictures of the dogs and ur gonna see about half of these pics hehe.

i hope ur gonna enjoy the photos=)

these photos are taken at a field (Limhamnsfältet) that is like a minute walking distance from our place which happens to be my our dogs favorite place to go to (and who can blame them...). and everytime i go to the water i feel so calm inside of me and the dogs are so happy when they are there so i go there practically evryday. so good for my well-being. theres something so soothing about the nature and the water...

i just love it there.

wish you all a nice evening )or good morning, depending on when u read this post=))

amore/hanni

i had my first class in tenni today and oh my god was it fun or what? had no idea it could be so much fun. i used to play tennis but that was ages ago. i used to pla tennis whn i was around 10 i think, with a friend of mine. but we didnt take it so seriously. i conveniently "forgot" my tennis shoes at home so i wouldnt have to play.whooopsi...i just sat on the side watching my friend playing tennis with our teacher. what an ungrateful child i was...whoopsi. and the next time i played tennis was when i was 21 1/2.the spring when i was was living at home. i took some classes in tennis for about a month or so, but it didnt really go to my heart. 

im practically raised with a tennis mind set (kind of at least) with a dad who´s a tennis freak and an older sister who also is a tennis freak (used to compete on a high level in tennis) and both my parents have always loved watching tennis games as long as i can remember...but ive never really enoyed it..i never got what the big fuss was about..until today. well acually it started couple of weeks ago during a week end at our summer place when me and my parents were watching Australian Open on tv. it was the final between the great players Rafael Nadal and Stanislas Wawrinka and i was hooked. the game lasted for maybe 2 hours or so, maybe a bit more and i was hooked in front of the tv watching evevry move they made. my head went from left to right, from right to left. shaking it form one way to the other. i asked my dad so many questions about about the different rules and how Nadal was so evil and unkind in his way of playing. poor Wawrinka. he almost lost it becus of the way that Nadal played. But thank god he won, Wawrinka. he def deserved it! it would have been so unfair ifNadal had won since he didnt play fair.

               anyway, im getting of the subject here. the thing is ive never been this hooked on a sport. never. ask anyone who has known me for a long time. so when i played today i was surprised how much fun it could be to play.and my teacher, a man in his mid 30ies i would say, was sooo kind and such a great teacher. he described how i should do it and evevrytime i hit the ball he said, good, well done. yes! and so on. he was really kind and soo good at explaining things. u told me he started his tennis "career" by chance, he only did it to put him self through school. origianally his plan was to teach geography and history to high school students. but then his love for tennis grew bigger and bigger and he ended up loving it so much that he started taking more and more classes in tennis and then eventually started teaching in tennis and now he has done that for a couple of years...

            and when he told me his plan was to teach in high school,  i wasnt very surprised becus his way of explaining things was so calm and methodically. some people are just made for teaching. they just know how to do it the right way. they are just so patient with their students...its incredible really.

             so from now on im taking classes in tennis once a week. i couldnt imagine a greater way to start the week.

physical activities give so much enenrgy and joy and happiness. and especially if u do it with someone else.

wish you all a wonderful monday afternoon!

amor/Hanni

yday and a couple of days ago i brought my camera with me when i was walking dogs becus its been such nice weather lately. its has been such a bog change in the weather these days, it almost feels like spring- well at least a Swedish spring haha. to bcn it would still be considered as winter;P but for us its not freezing cold anymore, well at least not (peppar peppar) here in Skåne, it think its still cold in the rest of Sweden. (thats one of many good things about living in the south of Sweden...usually warmer climate;P). 

it was just so nice to be able to wear a lighter jacket and thinner shoes for a change..i feel like myself again. well almost at least...

when i take picture i try to challenge myself so i always try to find different angles or find different kinds of details that i can take pictures of. csometimes it works, sometimes it doesnt....=( sometimes its enought for me to take just 10 pictures and they will all be good and sometimes i need to take a hundret photod before getting THE photo. sometimes i get sad when it takes time for me to take a really good photo but sometimes i dont mind...i can still rememeber something that one of My Spanish teachers in photography said. or showed actually. i had 2 teachers in the same class and they showed us a documentary of photos that they had taken a year before that. and many of the photos weretn that good i have to say, but my teacher said that even a professional teacher can sometimes take 200 pictures before he takes THE photo....that was quite comforting i gotta say. so just becus i sometimes have to take many many many photos before i take one really good photo id doesnt necessarily mean that im a bad photographer... sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt. but just as any other profession, all u need to do in order get better is to practice, practice, practice....

so here are some of my photos=) it was difficult to choose few photos so there may be..alooot of photos. just for the record=)

wish you all a beautiful saturday night.

amor/hanni

some days when i wake up i think its gonna be a good day and the day may start well but then sometimes i get so disapointed, mostly at myself for not being happy 24/7. like yday, i had a nice morning, i got up quite early, i went for a run along the field by the water close to our place, which is always something i enjoy, becus, hey, its just next to the water and who doesnt enjoy being next to the water?, and i went back home, did some stretching, took a shower, had breakfast and took the car to helsingborg where i was gonna get my massage, a massage that i had won around xmas last year (first time for me to get hot stones massage). and the girl who does the massage (all my family well except my dad of course, goes to the same girl for doing our nails and massage and stuff, shes awesome) is really something. ahes great and she has so much humour and ever since i started going to her her salon we ve started to talk quite alot and we laugh together and i tell her about my life and she tell me about her life and get a good laugh and i stayed there for a good while getting my nails done (shes really the best at these things) and the massage which was also really nice (altho unfortunately she had to finish it a bit earlier becus she totally forgot about this costumer that came just when i had my massage) so we had to wrap it up a bit earlier but since i know how easy it is to forget things and things slipping ur mind (im the same there) i couldnt get mad at her. its like getting mad at a puppy..its physically impossible...

but we set up another day for the complete massage so its ok..anyway, so i went to a café close by and had planned to sit there with my computer and my american novel heavy book and i thought i would be really satisfied and happy and content all of that positive feelings when i just felt..sadness and emptyness. i thought that since i would have company for a great deal of the day i would be happy afterwards, like that company would have filled the cup so it would be enough for the day u know. but instead this sadness and emptyness came over me when i saw all these people sitting with each other talking and laughing. and suddenly i felt so lonely. and i started comparing myself to these people with all those questions, why dont i have someone sitting next to me? how come i almost always go to cafés by myself? do they see me as a looser for sitting by myself? etc etc...and i felt so small compared to all these people. i felt like i was 5 years old again, like a little girl who wasnt allowed to play with my big sister and her friends. of coure we have been taught not to compare ourselves to other people, but its def easier said than done. i think its impossible to always be satisfied with who you are, especially as a woman, it might be easier for men, and i find it very hard not to compare myself with other people. well especially in Sweden where its very important to be successful and happy and self-confident and all that. 

and i cant stay at a café if i dont feel good in that moment, if theres something strange in the athmosphere, and i cant get anything done if im not happy in that moment, its like impossible for me to focus, so i left and went home, and was met by our dogs who were left in the garden and saw me pulling up the car and Donna, our golden retriever, when shes been alone for a while, well she has our other dog bella to accompany her but u know...thats nt good enough for her, she talks , alooot. well talking in her own way of course and its really adorable. shes seriously the cutest dog in the world. its like impossible to get mad or even annoyed at her for the smallest thing, even when she sits next to us while we re eating and she sits nexts to us and begs for food, its impossible to annoyed at her becus shes so darn cute, so she was so sooo happy to see me so i decided to take them out for a walk and she, who usually  walks really slowly, ran fast as h*ll and she ran almost all the way through our walk. i went with them to the water and it was just so nice to be next to the water with my dogs. if its anything that can make me relax and happy, except for taking photos, its walking our dogs. it gives me time to breath and cool my thoughts. and instead of rejecting the thought of the emptyness inside of me I just felt it and eventually i could release it. 

the woman whom i called a couple of years ago who told me about my connection to russia, she said that I have a big emptyness in my body and that its important for me to stay active with sports and stuff and to listen to music wo i wont feel so lonely which i do and it does help me alot, but one thing ive been taught is that i shouldnt let myself drown in my emotions ( its very normal for highly sensitive people to focus too much on the sadness and emptyness or whatever they are feeling that they "drown" in their feelings which can make them feeling even more down) and since ive been there quite many times i let myself feel the feelings and then just accept whatever came over me ( i would normally reject the negative feeling and feeling even worse about feeling these negative emotions) and i thoguth to myself, its ok to feel this emptyness. i mea, who doesnt feel empty or lonely sometimes? its a natural thing to feel. unfortunately we have been taught that we should be happy all the time and also 24/7 and be content all the time but that is impossible. i may be a highly sensitive person to disapointment and sadness but without these downs its imposible to appreciate the ups, the good times. well at least to me that is.

and the thing with accepting whatever" "negative" emotion that is coming over you, is that by accepting it, it can finally get released and u think, hmmmm....that wasnt as bad as i thought it would be...im kinda ok with feeling empty or sad or disapointed or whatevevr im feeling. and then u feel kinda awesome for accepting that feeling (in stead of paniicking over having that emotion and making the emotion even bigger and feeling worse and worse about it) and then u feel even more awesome for getting through this. 

its not always easy to accept "negative" emotions, especially not in sweden where we have been taught that sadness, emptyness, disapointment, frustration etc are "bad" and "negative" emotions and u shouldnt feel them. but we re all human. and the greater we feel about this emptyness, or sadness or disapointment or frustration or even anger etc, the stronger we get and the next time we get this emotion washing over us we dont get the same frustration anymore and we can accept it and then release it and then move on the next moment. sometimes easier said than done. but its kinda awesome to accept it. im just sayin.

wish you all a happy friday. and also, TGIF!!!!! big time!

amor/hanni

I found this on pinterest, isn it awesome?  

cappuccino, that cand chocolate and thn im good to go!

found this outside a hotel in Stockholm. quite sweet right?

and these ones i found in a store in Sthlm. really cool things. and good reminders too.

and my personal favorite. if its possible to fall in love oth a painting then i fell head over heal for this painting. its screamed my name. but it would be too heave fr me to bring it on the train with my luggage and all...but h its sooo beautiful and funky and cool and...oh i love this painting. its so Hanne...it was of course better in reality.