Its always been Easy for me To loose weight. Sometimes To gain weight too but its been maybe at tops 3 kg that im Talking abt. When i was little i was skinny n small n could eat like a horse ( have always had a huge appetite ) n thought it was normal To eat like the guys ( never really understood girls who ate redicously small portions n then claimed they were full, i mean, whaaat?) n then maybe gain couple of kg, going To summer courses abroad n loose weight just becus , and then doing the same thing again the coming years.
Ive always looooved food, maybe not all kind of food, i was quite picky when i was little, but once i ate , i ate like a horse. I was practically raised on pancakes n cinnemon buns ( My grandma's ) n a mum who made ( still makes i have To add) delicious food n which made it impossible for me To just eat one portion.
This makes me sound like eating was all that i did and thats not true, but i was skinny n even tho i did gain some weight each year i easily lost them the next summer so i always ended up being skinny again so Why bother eating less when it was working?

It was working until i hit 17. Thats when i suddenly realised i no longer could eat 10 pancakes/week n a muffin or cinnemon bun everyday without gaining weight.

I remember being a senior in High school ( so 18 years old, going On 19) n going To do some shopping With My at that time boyfriend and i had gained quite alot n i did the big mistake and went for jeans shopping. What the hell was I thinking ? Shopping för jeans? Thats the worst thing a Girl can do when she has gained weight. At least for her self esteem n self confidence. I Cant remember if My boyfriend Said anything in particular but i can remember the feeling he gave me when i was standing in all those booths where u try ur clothes. And that feeling was a really nice feeling. He couldnt Care less if i had gained weight or not. He didnt do anything special, but he just accepted it which made me accept it. And that is love.

So ive always been quite "skinny". Not skinny skinny, but quite small but ive noticed how My fat burning system has been reduced a bit every year;( i guess thats called getting older ?) just like it is for almost every other woman on the earth. But its always been Easy for me To loose weight, ok, ive Also gone for a run 5-6 times/week for the last 7 years so maybe its no wonder that its been Easy for me To loose weight... Anyway, its always been like that, i realise ive gained some weight, i try To eat less, i Fail miserably, i stubbonly think i can continue eating the same amount of food n still loose weigh, i eventually just give up, try To think abt something else n think, what the hell, im not gonna feel guilty anymore if i eat big portions and/or desserts ( life is for enjoying food n desserts in My opinion, not rejecting it n then getting unhappy becus ur not eating) or if i sometimes eat less or Dont eat at all at those times when im not hungry, i finally Dont care abt it anymore n i feel relaxed in My body n soul. I am relaxed for abt 1-1 1/2 month n therefore loosing weight ( yaaaay) n then comes the dangerous thoughts. I get comfortable in My thinking n My eating. I think, i can take two portions cus i wont gain weight anyway. ( big fat misstake numero uno), i continue doing that for a while or eating more desserts or enjoying myself a bit too much if those delicious muffins or chocolate balls that they have at every cafe here in Sweden. I think i havent lost any weight until...until two weeks later n boom. Suddenly My shorts are getting tighter... I think foolishly that its all in My head n go back To My way of living. And then the next week...boom. I try on My shorts/pants, damnit, they do feel tighter. Damn. And then the cycle is on again..

Before it was always so Easy To get back on track again To be content With My body again, but this time it doesnt feel that Easy anymore. When i was in Barcelona abt a month ago i lost some weight simply becus i didnt focus in loosing weight. I was just living life. I ate breakfasts ( sometimes a bit unhealthy ones) at cafes, i had a big lunch n then maybe a crepe for dinner. I didnt eat for abt 5 or 6 hours, simply cus i wasnt hungry ( it was too hot To eat ). Summer seems To be My best season of the year To loose weight.:)

But then i came home, i started volonteering at Swedish Open in Båstad n did My usual thing ( mistake numero Uno). They treated us very well by giving us free lunches n free coffee n cinnemon buns after a certain hour. And since i thought i was in My good cycle , and Also since the food was actually really good, i took big portions ( or two portions) n sometimes a cinnemon bun for fika. But i didnt move My body that much, i thought i did, but thinking back om those days i realise we didnt move that much. So now im back again...With shorts who are feeling a biiiit too tight. Damn. I doubt anyone can see it tho, its usually just a feeling we girls get when we know we have gained some weight.

And since ive had this cold in My body who wont go away for Some reason its not so Easy anymore To go for a run 5-6 times /week so now i have To ett new ways To partly loose that weight again *crossing My fingers* and partly cus i have so much Energy in My body n soul that i feel i have To do some kind of exercise in order To ..survive:)
Today i did power walking for an hour n that felt really good! N going for a ride With My bike Feels really good too, whether its for the sake of exercise or for just the fun of it. N in this beautiful n amazing weather that its been this july makes it very easy To do this:)

But actually i Dont mind all of this. Cus i Dont want To change the way i eat, cus i looove food n muffins n chocolate cinnemon buns n Apple pies n chocolate cakes and so one. I believe life is for living n food n desserts are such big part of our life n its ment To be loved n enjoyed.

We shouldnt ban ourselves too much i think. Of course, all of us have different kind of Bodies n believe systems ( some of us can eat as much as we want To n still not gain any weight n some of us can barely touch anything that is sweet without gaining weight). But i do believe that we get happier if we do enjoy our food n desserts. Life gets so much more fun that way ?????

Amor/Hanni