Läste precis en god väns inlägg om prestationsångest o samhällets syn på det och det är något som påminner mig om dagligen. Och det frustrerar mig och gör mig så arg att det måste vara så. Att man är endast värd något om man presterar och är nyttig och duktig. Man ska vara effektiv och organiserad. Vara seriös. Vara allvarlig. Ha roligt och njuta ut av livet och fokusera på det ist för jobbet, det existerar tyvärr inte i sveriges samhälle. Och om man inte är något av dessa sakerna, ja då e de dåligt för då passar man inte in i ramen. Fy! Och man ska hålla inne alla ens känslor. För allt annat är helt enkelt inte acceptabelt. Det finns så många oskrivna regler i Sverige hur man ska vara o inte får vara att jag blir matt av att bara tänka tanken. Det är inte så konstigt att det finns så många som mår dåligt i detta landet eftersom det är tabu att prata om känslor och att vara svag o inte känna sig tillräcklig är ju ej bra. Man ska vara stark 24/7, annars e man konstig. Och om man är annorlunda eller så kallad "känslig" , ja men det e ju främmande så då väljer man att titta ner på det istället. man känner av känslorna, men man vågar inte sätta ord på känslorna, för det har vi en oskriven lag mot att så gör man inte. Då är det bättre att vara avundsjuka på alla som har det bättre än en själv och döma dem för det. Ja det är inte lätt att vara annorlunda i vårt samhälle där allt styrs efter oskrivna regler. Man får ej vara lat, eller ha det för bra financiellt sätt, "självisk" , ego, för då e man otacksam. Om man står ut lite för mycket,ja då e man självisk och ego. Och speciell, ja det får man inte heller vara...Det finns så mycket man inte får vara...suck. Jag kan inte hjälpa att jämföra med Spanien när jag bodde där. De bråkade och hade sig, fast på ett vänligt sätt, de brydde sig inte om folks egenheter, för där e alla olika. Man går inte efter prestation. Där får man lov att "bara vara" . Där e man helt enkelt inte avundsjuk på varan om det går bra för en eller om man mår bra och har kul. Man väljer att vara glad för varandras skull. För där e alla lata, alla föredrar att ha kul istället för att jobba. Man föredrar att gå ut och roa sig o ta tapas och drinkar med vänner ist för att vara seriösa och allvarliga. Jag kom ihåg när jag bodde där( Bcn) o jag kom typ 5 minuter försent till fotolektionen och jag kom ihåg hur jag stressade dit ( va väldigt tidsoptimistisk eftersom jag bodde bara något kvarter därifrån) bara för att inse att de enda personerna som hade kommit i tid var jag och en iransk/norsk kille. Alla spanjorer kom typ 20 eller 30 minuter försent. Och om jag kom försent så vände de bara sig om och sa "Hola" och det va allt de sa. De brydde sig inte om om jag var sen. Snacka om att det va skönt. Jag tycker att vi ska våga pratat mer om känslor för då kommer vi må bättre istället för att hålla inne alla våra känslor. Och lära oss att "bara vara". Eller så kan vi göra som mitt otroligt kloka systerbarn säger ibland " Mamma, jag är ledsen/arg idag" ( hon e 3 år gammal btw, hur coolt e inte det?) . Vi borde alla lära av oss henne inser jag redan nu...

/hanne

Bilden visar hur oorganiserad jag e. Både i mitt rum och min skalle. Och det är så jag vill ha det. Eller organiserad kaos som jag kallar de för.

i was reading a swedish magazine and i saw these pictures of The Hamptons and it made me long for USA so so so much, actually so much that i had to  look at my old pictures, the ones that i took two years ago when i spent 12 wonderful days in the states (celebrating my friend´s wedding and visiting my sister who was taking a course in NYC for one month). back then i had had my camera just for a couple of months (i bought in n BCN in may two years ago) so my camera skills werent that top notch, my pics werent the best i can see now that im looking through my pictures but what the heck, its the memories that counts, not the quality of the pictures..but it makes me miss my friends so much. especially my friend Kate and her bfriend T who took care of me that week. (with taking care i mean letting me stay at her parents place and taking me to different cities etc). i will always be grateful for that! i hope to be able to see my friends soon again! hopefully in L.A where K & T live..

here are some of my photos from that trip

this was on the friday, my "2nd day" in the states. this is at the brides parents place where we all met for brunch. its outside of Philly

this was at my friend´s old college

this was at the hotel just before going to the bus that was gonna take us to the place where the wedding was gonna be held..sigh..i was soo tanned back then....

K & T outside the hotel 

at the wedding

the beautiful couple..

talk about a big beach...this is at long beach new jersey where my friend´s grandma has a place where we stayed at for 3 days

i seriously loove the houses. they are sooo big..nothing like the houses in Sweden...

the current was soo strong that u really had to have a lot of guts to go into the water...

the photo is out of focus but i hope u can still get the feeling of the moment..it was 4th of july and me and my friends went for a looong walk across the island

this is in Philadelphia where her older brother and girlfriend live. we stayed there for one night. there were some really big and beautiful buildings in Philly...

this is in NYC where i stayed ith my sister. thought this sign was so cute

so american. wish we swedish people could be the same at times...

beautiful central park..

downtown in NYC

a happy and sun tanned Hanne

i dont know how many pictures i took during that trip but it must be about 3oo or 400 pictures so i just seleced a few pictures to make it easier for you guys=)

as i wrote before, i hope i will get to see my friends again and hopefully in LA! it would be amazing to visit them in LA!

amor/h

tuesday last week I met a good friend for coffee out in Västra hamnen (a neigbourhood just by the water where they have cafés and a boardwalk etc, a very popular place to be at when its sunny weather) and it was in the middle of the day but since it was sucha  beautiful day and so sunny the place was packed with sun tanning people including me and my friend=) it was truly a great day and it was very harmonious. we talked about a bit of everything but mostly about her stay in Sthlm over the week end. since we both are girls we analysed, analysed and..analysed every little millimeter of the situation she was in. nontheless, it was a great and very relaxed moment. we sat in the sun and discussed life, i was able to wear my converse (!) and my autumn/spring jacket that i love so much. it felt a bit of aluxury having coffee in the middle of the day when we knew everyone else was working..and we just had a very good time sitting outside in the sun analysing and discussing life.

i love taking pictures of cappuccinos. i think im addicted to it actually. to both drinking a good cappuccino AND taking pictures of the cappuccinos=) becus u can take pictures of them from so many different angles...

u can see a part of my shoe there...something i also love taking pictures of is my shoes...especially my converse that i love so much thihi

something that i really like taking pics of is through windows. becus it gives it an arty touch to the picture ehich is something that i like.

we were far form being the only ones enjoying the sun..

oh ive really missed blogging. didnt occur to me until now actually. sometimes its nice with a break but its so good being back too...i always think im better off the blog but i always change my mind everytime i blog again after taking a break from it. it just gives me so much joy and pleasure and room for me to express my feelings and thoughts about life.

you´re def gonna hear more from me from now on. maybe not on a daily basis but as much as i can. 

im right now (not this moment but u know what i mean) doing my best to be creative everyday or as much a possible, doing creative stuff (whether it is taking photographs, doing paintings or making cards etc) gives me so much harmony and joy and happiness that it is essential for me to do it as often as possible. something that ive started doing and trying to do on a daily basis is meditation. it gives me strength and tranquility and peace in my mind. i had no idea meditating could give you so much peace in ur mind...i always thought meditation was for people that couldnt focus on things or that didnt have enough energy to do actual sports but man was I wrong. i must confess its really good for your soal to meditate. and i can tell a big difference in my mood and my self-esteem if i dont meditate every morning. ive actually even started getting up EARLIER in order to have time for my meditation. if this would have been a couple of years ago i would never think i was gonna do meditation every morning and get up earlier to do it too..me who is such a "sju sovare" (a person who likes to sleep in late) but ive gone up late during such long time now that i didnt enjoy it anymore so i decided to get up earlier so i would have time to do my meditation and boy does it feel good. 

wish you all a nice wensda evening,

amor/h

Im on my couch now listening to a French lounge radio online, and they play really nice and soft music. Outside it is raining and it smells of summer rain. I love that smell. Its so soothing. Its so light, its as if the summer rain weights less than normal rain...dont ask me why but it just feels lighter. Reminds me of our summer place in the summer and of Paris and Barcelona where the rain always is light.. Its so relaxing listening to summer rain ( i know its not summer yet but it has def felt like summer today). I hope its gonna be weather like it was today for the rest of the spring. You can always wish. I wish i could take pictures of the rain but that is pretty hard...especially when its dark outside:)
Ok im gonna go back to my book now.

Amor/h

Dreaming away when i saw the pictures in the article about Montauk/USA...looks like heaven really just surfing in a wonderful clinate and beautiful nature...im so gonna do that one day! And hopefully soon!
The first picture is of a new series..never heard of it before but it seems very funny and very interesting...anyone heard of it before or watched it? The pictures of Julianne Moore are so beautiful I think, shes really inspiring and a very good actress as well...
The picture of the woman wearing colourful clothes is what i wish i was..confident..but ill get there eventually.

Amor/h

Today i went to the gym in the morning for the first time in a very long time. Felt really good to be back, to feel the energy from all the people and knowing that u have company while exercising was a nice feeling too. I lve going for a run along the water but it can get a bit lonely at times so today i felt like for a change so i went to the gym and like i just it, it was really nice. I was there for quite some time, from 8.45- 11.00 and that inlcuded of curse stretching and being in the sauna for a short while. I stayed in the sauna for maybe just 10 minutes but it was good enough. I was alone in the sauna which was nice so I took the opportunity to lay down on the wooden bench while picturing myself laying on the beach in Malaga..it was a really nice feeling. I just forgot everything that was on my mind and i just enjoyed the solitude and the serenity of that moment. Then i went home, had some lunch ( thank god for left-overs!) and took our dog ut for a walk on the field and it was seriously such a nice feeling being on the field becus today is the first day that it really feels like its spring! Or almost summer ( Warm fr being Sweden that is which is around 18 C) . I was almost overwhelmed by the warm winds. I felt weak and strong at the same time. Felt like crying over nothing ( have no idea why...but this time i decided not to over analyse why i felt like crying) and at the same time quite satisfied with myself. Satisfied becus i was for the first time in a long time not comparing myself to other people. I thought to myself, its ok to cry over nothing, its ok to feel weak and strong at the same time. And while i having these thoughts i just looked at the Turning Torso ( famous building here in Malmoe which is just by the water, stunning view btw!) and thoyght to myself, oh wow, what a truly great day it is today! I wore way too warm clothes/jacket but i didnt mind. I was just so happy and satisfied with myself walking my dog even tho i felt weak and strong at the same time and even tho i just felt like crying over nothing. Usually i just feel happy abut myself when i feel confident and sure of how to do things but this time i let myself just be. And it felt really good. So i decided i was worthy of a cappuccino so i went home,took a shower ( u might wonder why i took a second shower since i had already been at the gym but thats becus i prefer wash my hair and take my time doing that at home) and buy some things in the store and then get a take away cappuccino. So i did that. And the best part was that i was able, for the first time this year, to wear my wonderful and beautiful leather jacket:) that felt really good! Felt like it was finally summer!
So i went to the store and i saw that 2 new numbers of two magazines that i really like had come out so i bought those and read them while drinking my capuccio in the garden. This number of the Swedish Elle was very inspiring! It had really cool articles and really cool photos of fashion. They were very inspiring! Its funny, at times i feel like anything is possible ( work wise) and other times i feel like such a failure for not even having the guts to try but today i feel very inspired and thanks to Elle i have many ideas for photo shoots that im very eager to try!

Have a lovely monday afternoon.
Amor/ h

About a month ago i decided that i was gonna skip all the pastries and chocolate ( altho not 70%) but after a month of dieting it was like mission impossible. Becus they are like everywhere. Not that i eat sweets everyday but maybe more than i should:) but skiååing all together is impossible for me becus than all i can think about is everything that i cant eat. It was alot easier when i lived abroad becus they dont have the same cafe culture ( fika) that we do do so its not the same tempatation there that there is here. Many may differ on this subject saying that its the reverse since there are so many crepes and waffles etc in Paris for example but its a different thing over there. If u go to a cafe they dont have a thousand muffins and cheesecakes to choose from. They have coffee and food. And thats it. And if u want a crepe, then u go to a creperie. And yes they have like a thousand pasteries shops where they sell many delicious pastries but u buy one and then thats it. And u eat a small portion of everything ( atleast in Paris) whereas here our portions are big ( or bigger) for breakfast, lunch AND dinner and then coffee and a muffin or a cinemon bun on top of that, no wonder we are bigger in size...so instead of skipping it all im gonna do it the French way. Maybe not for the rest of my life, but just give it a go u know. Eat only when im hungry and not becus i should ( i tend to eat big breakfasts just becus i think i cant live without it but in reality i can of course) and smaller portions...becus that way u dnt have to skip all the good things in life ( and u shouldnt becus they sometimes make life worth living). But yeah, i told myself just before Easter that i should skip all the goodies, but who am I kidding really? Its Easter for heavens sake:) so it didnt go very well this Easter..jeje, it will be better from now on.

Lets see how this goes..

Have a happy Easter monday.
Amor/h