It was my birthday 2 days ago and ive always loved my birthday. ive always looooved celebrating my bday, cus,1 its the best day of the year (whatelse could it be?) and 2, my day is in the summer so everyone´s (well almost everyone) is still on vacation 3, everyone´s happy and relaxed cus of their vacation mode 4, i loooove receiving gifts. but for some strange reason i wasnt in that super omg-im-so-excited mood. maybe cus it was my 30th bday and in Sweden its a big deal to turn 30. cus when u turn 30 ur officially adult and u should have all these things. like a boyfriend, an appartment, a serious job (preferably since couple of years back) etc...and if u dont have all those things...then...thats when the crisis hit you. well, im sure there are ppl in relationships who still have crisis, so i know im far from the only one but it doesnt really help when everyone (maybe not everyone, but many so far) asks me, so, 30...u have a crisis? and then if i say i Do, they say, u shouldnt have a crisis. u should never have a crisis, cus I didnt have one...öööh ok...that didnt really help, but thx anyway...in sweden theres a big taboo on having crisis, cus everything should be great all the time. and if everythings not ok, then u hide it from ur close ones and basically evveryone u talk to. 

i guess theres a lot of shame and guilt when it comes to not feeling well or having crisis here in Sweden.

but going back to my actual bday, i did have a wonderful bday. i was woken by my nieces (age 3 and 5) and my family and my nieces wanted to open al my gifts (i didnt have to do a single thing..pretty nice start=)) and then at lunch time i had brunch with parts of my family, a friend of one of my sisters and a cousin of mine. we had it at the beach at our summer house and it was beautiful weather. really nice weather. the kind when u dont need to wear any cardigan cus it would be too hot. and then in the evening we had dinner with my other sisters husbands family (well, partt of his family) at our place and the dinner lasted until late in the evening which was really really nice. and it was relaxing to just spending the day with my family and my cousin and my sisters friend. and what was almost the most relaxing thing was that i had decided int he mornnig not to check m phone all them time. so no facebooking or instagramming for the whole day. not that i have anything against facebooking or instagramming (im a big fan of doing those 2 things) but it does take alot of energy so i decided just to focus on me and on my family and hjust talking and having fun. and i must say that it worked. i did get more relaxed. well, i did check my phone once ina while (just to see if anyone had texted me or called me to congratulate me on my bday), but i didnt check my fb or instagram in the afternoon and evening and that was really really relaxing. it was as if my brain took vacation for real. it felt like i was a kid again, just having fun and talking and relaxing. and in order to get more relaxed i even asked one of my sisters to do all the photographing (which she of course said yes to). so i barely took any photos with my phone (which is a rare thing for me for those who know me well). but it was very relaxing. and i dont regret it all. cus i think we forget to live our life when and if we focus too much on our phone (guilty as charged btw, cus i loooove using instagram =)).

it was a really really nice and relaxing bday and i was sooo honored that my guests had come to fortuna just to celelbrate ME. i was actually touched. but even tho i did have a really nice bday i couldnt escape the fact that something was missing, and i know it might sound silly but hey, im only human. and im a girl so...ive wanted a boyfriend for sucha long time. ive had 2 boyfriends so far, one in high school that i knew wasnt the big love of my life (we dated for almost 3 years) and then i had boyfriend nr 2 when i was 27 (lasted for one year and i was the one who broke up with him). and i dont regret being with him cus he gave me so much (not talking abt material things but experiences etc) but we werent good for each other and we werent right for each other. i think it was mostly an ego thing. and i know back then i was clearly not ready for a serious relationship. buuut..i still wont one u know. i know ive come a long way, ive grown so much the last couple of years and i feel i am ready for a serious relationsship soon...but still....

sometimes i just want to go past the jounrey and get to the end of the story u know..but i know that all the steps are necessary in our life process in order for us to get to the next step (whatever the step may be). cus if we dont get through the steps, we dont grow and then we wouldnt be ready for that person whos waiting for us (and vice versa). 

ok im rambeling on right now, but u get the picture. sometimes u can be happy and satisfied with certain areas in ur life, but u still feel something´s missing...and then u look at all the pictures of couples or u think of ur friends who are in serious relationships.. i know i shouldnt compare myself to other ppl and i do try my best not to. but im only human. im sure ppl comepare themselves to me at times and my life or my personality. thast just the way we work us humans. 

but this aside, i was happy with my bday and when i looked at all the bday wishes on fb i was sooo touched and i could feel tears coming down my cheeks. thats how moved i was. all the pictures that friends had sent me on fb, all the amamzing things they had written about me. it was sooooo nice. soo soo nice. and thats one thing i looove about fb. that u can receiev sooo much love and from ppl from all over the world. it astounds me really. and it wouldnt be possible for my friends who live i other countries to congratulate me on my bdayif it weren´t for fb so...huuuuge thanks to fb for the bday reminders=))))) i know im very grateful for the bday reminders since my memory is like nemos memory= 0. and also thank you fb for the ability to sendig bday wishes. cus one bday wish can mean sooo much for the person receiving it. and the more bday wishes u get, the happier u get (well, and the more greedy u get too cus the more u recieve, the more bday wishes u want to recieve=)). but anyway, it made me soo happy to see all the bday wishes on fb and on instagram (and text msgs). so thank you thank you thank you all of you who sent me bday wishes! me smile a loooot and it made sooo grateful for all my friends whether u live here in sweden or abroad.

lots and lots of love!!!!!!

Hanne