i believed everything you said,

cus how could I not believe you?

you were the one.

All those beautiful words,

I needed them, just like

you needed them.

I needed you and you

needed me.

But something pulled you back.

Something was not right

and I thought, what could this be?

All those sweet words

I believed in them cus

they seemed so honest

and I attract honest people

or so i thought.

Maybe it was the words,

maybe it was you,

maybe it was all of it

that I believed in.

or maybe it was just

the idea of Love 

that I believed in

and wanted to be true.

Maybe it was just a fantasy

in our heads.

Maybe we were never ment to be.

Maybe we just needed that

fantasy becus it was safe.

This beautiful fantasy

that we had created

was probably just a fantasy,

but how could we know?

for us it was the reality,

but there was only one reality

and two fantasies.

so how could we know

what was right and

was wrong?

When I saw you standing there,

i did not know

but somehow you knew

that I was the one that

you had been dreamin of.

I thought you were cute

but silly.

You thought I was the coolest

girl you had ever seen,

atleast thats what you told me.

when you called me that

time the week after,

I was so nervous, yet so calm.

you had been the person

that I had been waiting for

all my life, so why was I nervous?

your voice calmed me down.

I knew I was right.

You were the one,

I was so sure.

We talked alot that summer,

i never knew when you 

were gonna call but

somehow I knew you would call me,

and you did, time after time.

thats what convinced me.

"He must really love me"

I told myself and my friends.

But deep down, deep deep down

i knew I could not trust you,

but I had been waiting for 

you for so long that I

believed you and instead

ignored my inner voice,

so how could I not trust you?

Those beautiful and sweet 

words, those promesses,

they gave me oxygen, yet

they could break me down

in a second.

Everything was not wonderful,

but I ignored yet again

my inner voice and my

friends´ voices that said

something strange was in the air.

but how could you and I know that

when we crashed? becus to us

it was just a fantasy.

i love those days when im in a happy mood, when i feel good about the world. when im energetic and full of ideas. i hope that feeling will last..

anyway so i was looking through my notes that i keep in my bag (i always keep old notes and notepad in case i will feel inspired to write something down. but usually the noters just stay in my bag hoping to get fulfilled.. so today when i was throwing old stuff laying around in my bag ( i admire those who an keep their bag clean all the time, organized and stuff...)and i found this old note about what my passions are. and since im a firm believer in writing about what u love (partly in order to bring more positivity into ur world and partly to feel good about myself) here comes the list==)

things I love love love

* il arte di fare niente (the art of doing nothing, an Italian mantra that ive taken quite seriosuly ever since i lived in Florence)

* running in the morning

* cappuccinos! i just love everything there is about cappuccinos. the cup, the foam, the nice smell of coffee, the softness about the cappuccino, the coffee itself, the aroma, the coszyness, the ambiance, i could go on and on about a really good cappuccino....

* chocolate balls (i think its a swedish thing...not sure but i think so, they can be absolutey delicious!)

* cinnemon buns..how good arent they? im practically raised on cinnemon buns ( my grandmother baked the best ones in the entire world)

* reading chic lits...cozying up with a good chic lit in the sofa on a rainy day...pas mal

* shoes and clothes. a big dream of mine is to one day have a biiig biig walk-in closet thats filled with beautiful and cool shoes and bags and clothes...oh sigh...just putting together an outfit gives me a thrill. one ay wearing jeans and a hoodie and the next day wearing a skirt with a shirt (that rhymed....hihi) or a cool top with some sneakers or high heels. i just love it! when i lived in Paris i used to prepare my outfit the night before (becus i had classes very early in the morning so i would have been too tired to even think about what to wear in the morning so preparing the outfit the nigh before gave me more time in the moring) but nowadays i cant do that becus just becus i feel like wearing something that evening doesnt mean im onna feel like wearing it the following day..so i gave that up...

* colours! i love wearing bright colours. or combining them in one way or the other...althou nowadays i can wear calm colours so to speak without feeling weird...i can wear beige or white from top to toe but before i couldn do that, i just HAD to wear something colourful..maybe it was a statement or something...but now day im more secure in myself i can wear one colour from top to toe without feeling weird about it (maybe this sounds really strange to you guys but thats how it was to me). and plus, colours puts u in a good mood. i dont get ppl who say that when they are feeling down they cant wear bright colours, they have to wear only black or grey, but if i would wear all black when im really down then i would feel even MORE down and why wanna feel worse when u can at least feel good about what u wear ? thats soemhing that i will never fully understand..

anyway continuing on the list..

* listening to music. i could do that all day long. i need to listen to music alot. it inspires me so much and plus it puts me in a good mood. and plus, i was once told from this woman who can see what u need and u dont need and u are as a person (without knowing u ) that i have this loneliness feeling in my body and listening to music helps me to be on the right...lookig for the right word, not path but...in the right level so to speak. and plus its company..and we always have music on at home and the tv...ever since i was a kid its been like that..so it would be very strange to me to NOT listen to music...

*dreaming away..im an expert on this. i could probably win a contest about this. i have a huge imagination...sometimes good and sometimes not so good...it could get a bit dramatic in my head at times=) i love being in my own head (when its about good stuff of course...sometimes i wish i could get out of my own head and thoughts when they get to negative) and dreaming of all the stuff i wanna do i my life, like travelling and having my own studio and my own place and all the stuff i want to do once i have a job of my own and what im gonna do when i m older..the imagnation is never lost on me...that for sure! and i have this huge need to be in my own world too, i cant be in the serious world for too long or i would seriously loose my mind..the imaginaiary world (a.k.a the creative world) is so much more fun thean the serious world.

*being creative! i looove sewing and drawing and making maintings or work of art might be a better word...and taking photos...wow i love that! whether its taking pics of ppl or babies or nature or cappuccinos....i feel so alive when i take pictures...

* dancing..wow i loove dancing. im not very good at it tho, i dont dance salsa or any of those dances but i love the feelig of moving ur body to really good music..

* doing meditation and yoga is something that ive learnt to love. a year ago i wouldnt be able to do that cus i was too restless, had so much energy in my body, but now that im more secure in myself and have more calm i really love doing it. it gives me so much serenity and peace and joy. especially if i do it in the morning, thats the best time to do it...i started doing yoga about a month ago when i had been in stockholm for the week end it had been a hectic but good week end and i arrived to a rainy malmö and i didnt have anythng else to do so i looked up yoga for beginners on youtube and i found this yoga for dummies. it was perfect for me! at first i did an hour of yoga but now i only do about 15 minutes or so..it was a bit easier or at least more fun doing it when it was warm outside and i could do it in our garden...its not the same thing doing it inside even tho its def better than no yoga at all.

watching a good series. i could live for a good series. (sitcoms mostly). and when i start watching a series i have to watch the whole season...now that im taking evening classes in italian mond-wensday i cant wait to get home and having dinner in front of my computer so i can watch my series. but now ive got a bit tired of Bones (on netflix) (seen the first 2 seasons) so now im looking for a new series to watch thats i the same "department" so to speak. i love watching detective series that have a sense of humour. like ncis and Bones or Liar..maybe i should go back to watching ncis...i love that show! it has eveyrhing, it has romace, it has handsome me, it has the funny guys it has the solving of the murders witout being to much blood or horror. i should go back to that series...

*cafés. whether they are new to me or old ones i just love the feeling of taking a "fika" at  a cool or cozy café, wither with a friend or by myself, i love bring my computer and blog about something at cafes or talking for hours with  good friend at cafes...but the cafe has to be agood one, i dont want a shabby cafe, it has to be the right kind and the right ambiance..since im so sensitive to negative or restless energy in places i can only be in places that have a positive energy.

* travelling! oh i looove travelling and living abroad. i cant tell u how much i love living abroad when theres so much to discover, the ppl, the cafes, the bars the nature...

*learning new languages. oh o i love that or what. im a huge grammar geek. i love learning new grammar in spanish, french and italian. i just love it. prob becus its so simple and logic to me. it sticks in my head. it never disapears. so im very confident in learning  a new language or learning more about a language. or reading books/magazines in other languages...learning new words...me love that.

*making new friends. if they are ppl that i can tell are ppl that suits me and if theres a mutual friendship between us. i love making new friends! especially if they are from a different culture becus theres so much to learn about that culture..and how they think and feel and act..its really interesting. 

*being with friends of course. but i think everyone love being with friends so that goes without saying=)

*being with my dogs. thats something that ive missed so extremely much when i lived abroad. i love them so much so every walk with them is a blessing for me. just hugging them or playing with them or walking them is a huge pleasure for me.

*going to the movies with good friends. if its a really good movie it gets even better at the movies. buying popcorn and the whole feeling of being so concentrated at the movie with ur friends..its so cozy!

*being at home or at a cafe on a rainy saturday or sunday or week day for that matter. just watchinga  good movie or talking with a good friend for hours about absolutey nothing. and laughing about bullshit.

*eating. thats something that ive loooved looved doing ever since i was a little girl. ive always had contests with boys who can eat the most. and ive always had a huge appetite. sometimes too big as my family would say i think=) sometimes its good to have ahuge appetite but not when u want to loose weight..then its not so easy. sometimes i wish i could be one of those skinny frnech girls who can eat so litle and still be content...but damn its hard. altho i think i have a pretty good metabolism since i can eat so much and still keep the same weight (well more or less). i always say to myself i should eat less but its hard when ur mum makes such delicious food...wow, i hope my future boyfriend is not italian becus then ill get huuuge. well maybe not huge but def not skinny....considering how much they love food and all the mothers make delicious food and they get offended if u dont eat their food...so im crossing my fingers...

*bloging and writing...it can be grocery lists for all i care.. i dont care what its about. i loove writing. and everyone keep teeling me that im a good writer. but as u all know, u are ur own worst enemy so for me my writing is never good enough. but maybe is hould just stop comparing my writing to the academic writers...and be satisfied and proud of the way I write...thats on my next list...

oh i could get on and on about stuff that i love doing..but my dogs are waiting impatiently for me to move my a*s from this chair so i can take them out for a walk....

see you later and ish you all a beautiful day!

amore/Hanni

I must admit that My favorite season is fall. I love summer of course but i tend To get a bit restless in the summer, but maybe thats becus we Dont really have a culture that is suited well for summer, our country is not really built for summer so now that the fall is here im excited! Cus fall for me means new projects, hopefully meeting new ppl, dressing more fashionably, having more clothes on such as sweaters, boots, scarfs etc. And u have a perfect excuse for not being social. if u Dont feel like being social u can just have a cozy time at a café watching a thousand series or movies. And its smells so good in the fall, i just love it. The air gets more more fresh and clearer and the colours of the leafs are brighter. I just love taking a long walk with the dogs or by myself or with a friend during the fall. And it seems like everyones happy its fall, back To reality. I think ( u can correct me if im wrong) that most Swedes' favorite season is the fall even tho it should be the summer since its warmer then. But we Swedes, we feel good when we have alot To do just like in the fall. We re not made To be lazy doing nothing for a long time like Spanish ppl for example. In Barcelona or any other Spanish city, its a normal thing To do ( or rather NOT To do) if ur lazy for a whole summer. Cus they have the weather for it, u can lay at the beach for hours and then go for a drink at a chiringuiton( bar at the beach) or u can just stroll around. But u Cant really do that with the same satisfaction in Sweden.. Cus eventually u get restless. Thats Why everyone have small projects like renovating their home or garden...:)
So i think thats Why we love the fall so much, cus we can get back To business filled with new Energy and hopefully with happiness and joy;)

When i go To places/cities ive either been To before or havent been To before i always look at ppl, i observe how they act and how they comunicate with each other. Ive always been an observer, ever since i was a little kid have i been observing ppl. Observing ppl can be good but it can also make u feel like an outsider which in our society is considered as a bad thing but that changed couple of days ago for me when i was at My hairdresser's looking through this very interesting book made by one of my favorite photographers, a.k.a The Sartorialist. He wrote that growing up in the midwest ( think it was somewhere around that area, it was on the country side atleast) he used To observe how other ppl used To dress etc and considering him being very into fashion AND being straight he was an outsider since all the other ppl was not into fashion at all. But he didnt consider this outsider this outsider thing To necessairily being a bad thing. He just observed how other ppl dressed etc and that was it. And i thought abt that when i was in Stockholm this weekend, i reminded myself that it didnt have To be a bad thing and it was like something got released inside of me. It Was a very liberating feeling.
Anyway, its very interesting to watch how ppl act and talk in Stockholm vs how ppl act and Talking in Malmö. It might not come as a chock that ppl in Sthlm are very stressed and walk very fast all the time, always on the way talking and acting like they own the world;) whereas ppl in Skåne (My region) ppl are very chilled and laid-back and kind. And stress doesnt really exsist. But on the hand, there are so much To do and see in Sthlm, always something new and exciting going on:) whereas in Malmö it is a bit more chill, Malmö is a small city after all so there is a limit of what u can see and do:) of course, we Skåningar ( the ppl in Skåne) think that Stockholmarna( the ppl from Sthlm ) should take a chill pill, a big one:) but i think we skåningar are Also abit jelous of the attitude and High confidence that stockholmare seem to be born with.
Its been a very interesting and hectic weekend. Gone by way To fast of course, like always:). Partying 2 days in a row is def too much for me. Fun but not necessairy. Im getting older after all and Dont have the same Energy as i used To have.
But even tho its been non-stop all w-end ive had a good time. Ive hung out w My friend and her friend/s and ive hung out with My sister and her family which is something that i love doing. I wish i would have had even more time To hang out with My sister and her family but thats for the next time i go To Sthlm.
Something i Love about Sthlm is all the thousand cafes that they have all over Sthlm. I saw so many cafes that i wanted To visit and they all look different from each other. Ive had some really good coffee! And a couple of good laughs. It was funny becus i came To Sthlm not expecting too recognize ppl ( i mean when i went out) and i went To this after work event w My friends and i saw and talked to more ppl that ive known in malmö long time ago than i do nowadays when i go out in Malmö.. Alltho it might be becus so many ppl fr Malmö eventually move to Sthlm but still...:)

When we were looking for a café last saturday, me and My friend and her friend, i thought to myself, WHY am i living in small Malmö when i can live here where there are so much To do and see and where its so Easy To be social and spontanious? But life in Malmö can be quite nice that too, i actually Cant wait To get back To My life in Malmö.

Ive realised that living a hectic life, a non-stop life is not for me since im very sensitive and i can feel all the Energy that ppl have and when im around too much ppl i get quite exhausted whether i know the ppl or not so something that I have To get better at knowing when To say no To things becus i need alot of alone time in order recuperate. So even tho its been a bit too hectic and non-stop for me and ive felt like crying couple of Times' when ive felt overwhelmed it has been a good lesson for me.

This week im gonna start living my life, a more healthy and energetic life, starting today?. Ive eaten way to much sweet stuff which affects my mood alot, in a negative way so now i want peace, harmony and love?

Have a beautiful day.
Amor/H

[Bild]

[Bild]

A song that was just mine,
stories that were just mine,
lips that were just for me,
not anyone else's.

I thought that we sang
the same song,
maybe we did that time,
but not anymore.

It was beautiful, amazing,
cute, sweet and honest,
We sang a song that was just
ours to keep.

I think both of us
had longed so much for
this song to come
that we refused to see
when we no longer sang
the same song anymore.
The old song with the beautiful
words was what we preferred
to listen to,
We hold onto the old song
just like an old memory
that we were afraid of losing,
becus letting go
Is so scary.

And maybe it is time to
let go of that old song,
so we can fnd a new song
to sing. A happy one,
With lots of laughter and joy,
and with less sorrow and anger.

And maybe in a while, we
can go back to that old
song with the beautiful and
sweet words, and shake our heads
thinking, "What the hell were we thinking?"
and hopefully get a good laugh about it.

Becus singing old songs
can be great, but once in a while
it is good to just remember them
as really beautiful songs
And instead go on singing
a new song, my love.

Amor/H

Today is it sunday and its raining and im on the train on My up To My summer place. Sometimes i really like it when it rains, well at least if ur inside:P. Its cozy and i just got that happy feeling when i saw it was raining earlier today becus its as if its the end of summer and the beginning of something new. I love the summer but i Also loooove the fall. The cooler weather, that u can spend hours at a café sipping on a Tea/coffee, or that u can wear more clothes?more fashionable clothes. Or just spending a whole week end doing absolutely nothing n just watching series and films n not feeling guilty abt it cus ur missing out on the sun.u Dont have To be social or u can just be productive n effecient during the day ( hopefully) n just relax in the evenings watching tv.
I remember in Paris when i lived there that i used To loooove when i woke up on a saturday/sunday n i saw that it was raining. Oh it was the best feeling Ever (well im exagerating a bit but u get the picture). Cus it ment i could just lay in My bed snoozing or drinking Tea/coffee n watch sex and the city or smthg while looking through the Window n seeing the raining coming down. I loved that. N then hopefully seeing a friend for a coffee at a café somewhere. Or sometimes (or quite orten actually) i would go down To My favorite café that was just around the corner n take a coffee by myself n just read a book or do some ppl watching. I really love that. So now that the summer is almost over (where did the summer go anyway? It passed by so fast!) i welcome the fall. The fall usually means starting fresh.new ideas, new projects, sometimes (or usually for My case) meeting new ppl:). I have many ideas of creativity that i Cant wait To do this fall. Im just gonna do My best To actually go through with them since i tend To have many ideas, start doing then n then getting tired/bored of them n restless n start doing something else n then doing the same thing all over again. So this time in gonna conquer My fears, step by step n just be happy.:)

Wish u all a relaxing sunday.
Love h

oh what i wold love to be in new york right now. u know those moments when ur too tired to do anyhting that takes effort. when u just feel like being able to go ot and have everything near your place like starbucks and great cafés. instead of having to use transport to get to these places. im having that feeling now. im too tired to use my bike and go a place where they sell food. but since im not in a big city i just have to dream away. i dont know if i would like to live in nyc for a long time since its such a hectic 24/7 kinda city but i would love to live there just for 6 months or a year. just to experience the pulse. and all the amazing places that they have there. going down for brunch at a "stammishak", a place where ur a regular, discovering amaing cafés, bars, restaurants..getting a cappuccino at really cool place.

oh i really hope i get to go there again...

love/h

I thought you were everything
that I had been looking for
You promised me the world
with your kind words
Someone I could run the world with
and share everything with.
I thought you were the
one I could make me and you,
against the world.
Someone that would always look for
the next wave with me

You and me, that was what
was promised.
Someone that would share your world
with me and only me
Me and you.
Me and you against the world.
In our little house vy the beach,
Somewhere either far away
or close to home.

But either way, it would be
Just you and me, against the world
and we would make the world a more beautiful place.
You with your big dreams om becoming
the master of the sea,a
and me with my big dreams lf becoming
the master of photography
Together we would rule the world.

But then everything changed.
The past came in between us
and the darkness took over you and me.
You were the darkness
and I was the light.
I thoug if only I
could master the darkness
with my sunshine
everything would be fine.
Even better than fine,
my sunshine would make
everything perfect,
Becus thats what we wanted, right?

If only everything in our life
was perfect, then we
would be fine.
If only my sunhsine could
outbring your darkness,
then everything would be perfect.
But everything is not perfect
and will never be.
But maybe that was
just your and my way
of being,
just You and Me.