Yday it poured down cat and dogs, from the morning until the evening (not the whole day but u get the picture) and it occured to me how different ppl are social when it gets colder and colder depending on where you live. I remember in Paris when it rained (it can rain quite alot there) that i would see ppl everywhere sitting in cafés and resuarants and in bars from the moring until late in the evening. it didnt matter if it rained or not, their motto must have been " why sop being social just becus its cold and rainy outside?" becus ucould literally see the cafés being full of ppl whether it rained or not. i found that fascinating. and i also remember thinking, oh how i wish it could be the same in Sweden during the fall and winter. unfortunately we get less social when it rains outside and its cold, but really, when u think about it, its no excuse for not being social. well of course, u can still be social, but in different ways. i guess its becus we have such comfortable lifestyles, especially at home that we dont have the same need to be social but still...i guess we just have a different culture. becus i know i do the same thing here when it rains and its cold outide, i come with excuses that its cold outside etc, when i know if i had been abroad i would have reacted differently. however, something that i also found interesting was how different the ppl in bcn became when it rained cats and dogs. the city suddenly became empty, and i remember thinking it being weird becus i compared it to the Parisian lifestyle where ppl are social no matter good or bad weather. but i think its becus Barcelonians are so used to good weather that it throws them a loop once it actually rains that they simply dont know how to be social. cus all i could see were empty cafés (well, emptiER)...i just found that very fascinating how a city could change so fast just becus of bad weather. if we Swedes would stop being social all together just becus f cold weather then we sould would never be able to be social haha. 

anyway, i just find tese differences very fascinating. so since im all for being like they are abroad, im not gonna come with excuses next time its cold weather outside...well im gonna do my best atleast;P

have an amazing day.

amore/Hanni

            Ive always had a huge apatite, ever since i was a little girl ive had a big apetite. Ok, i havent been a huge fan of EVERYTHING, but if ive liked whats on the plate then ive eaten it with a huge apetite. Ive never been able to be like a "normal" girl who eats just a little and then is satisfied with that. Ive tried and sometimes ive succeeded but usually failed to eat "just" a little. Ive always been a bit jealous of those girls who actually succeed to eat just a little and then be satisfied with that. Sigh...ok, i did that in Paris for a while but it was more based on fear to eat too much, i didnt even had lunch, i just had a small sandwich...ok i was kinda skinny back then but i wasnt very happy. Im def more happy now. Before i had a huge need of controle of what i ate. Not as in aneroxia, ive never gone that far but if i had carbs with proteins i felt very guilty about it. Ok maybe i still do, cus i know that my body feels really good if i seperate proteins and carbs but i am more relaxed now, thats for sure.
         

            My huge apetite has always been there, maybe it was the rebel in me that didnt want to be like all those girls who just ate so little, i thought it was rediculous to eat soo little, maybe i still do, but not in the same way.

i remember being around 8 years old having these food contests with the boys in my class. well it was actually just one boy, a boy i fancied alot and he fancied me but we were 8 years old so when u like someone in that age u mostly tease each other to show the other person that u like him or her (well i guess its the same thing ur whole life...) so in order to tease each other more we used to have this contest whenever the school served us "ugnspannkaka" ,( panncakes that looks like lasagna, very good! ). and u were only supposed to have 2 pancakes each, but i thought that was rediculous so me and this boy, Hampus, we competed to see who could eat the most. of course all the girls in my class would look down on me saying, "u cant eat more than 2 Hanne, that wouldnt be fair to the other ppl". asch, who cares about being fair, i thought, there was always some girl who only had 1 pancake so we just made the school a favour by eating more pancakes, that was our motto. just so the school wouldnt have to throw the rest away, that would be a shame..but i remember the girls having this funny look on their faces, maybe they were jealous of me for doing something that they didnt have the courage to do, or mabe they just thought it was wrong of me to do this, but hey, i had fun while doing it and btw, who hasnt been stupid an done stupid things in life? 

               but yeah, so ive always loved to have a small appetite, but im just too much of a fan of good food. i just cant resist it. ive always wondered how girls can do it, how they can eat so little and not taking a 2nd portion. ok if ur not that hungry, i dont always eat alot, i have periods in my life when i eat less, but ingeneral im a huge fan of food. if its delicious food...im there. im always the first person taking food on the plate when there are gatherings of some sort where food is served. life would def be alot easier if i didnt have this huge appetite, atleast to my body, but then u take away one of the biggest pleasures in life...same thing with desserts and chocolate balls and cinnemon buns etc. before i used to be very strict on how much i had for dessert or "fika" but now...i just cant bother being strict. its not like i eat tons and tons of food, but i dont punish myself anymore for eating a bit more or having something sweet, becus if i know i cant eat it then my brain will think, i have to eat it becus i cant have it. i guess most girls think like that. of course im all in for eating healthy food and doing exercise on a regular basis but i am alot more relaxed now when it comes to food and sweets. and also, if ur relaxed in a mental way, then ur body will be relaxed about food aswell. if u constantly worry about what u eat for breakfast/lunch and dinner etc then u loose   the pleasure of enjoying what u eat (i know i did, maybe other dont think about it but i did, that for sure).

                i will probably never be like those girls who can controle what and how they eat (all respect för those girls/women who do it, cus one thing that might work for me might not work for someone else and vise versa), but i will probably always be the first one to take the first portion and the 2nd portion...but atleast i will enjoy my food and thats good enough for me.

amore/Hanni

i saw this picture at a café yday where they write (in Swe) descriptions about the Swedish word "Fika". its prob not funny for those who dont speak swdedish but its quite funy for us Swedes=)

my friend L this morning when we had breakfast together at my new favorite café, Chez Madame.=)

time for instagrammig haha. we re all taking pictures of eah other and our food, just like the rest of us instagram nerds=)

i dont usually take pictures of myself but this time i thought, asch, why cant i do if everyone else does it? and it was beautiful weather=)

wish you all a beautiful friday nite.

besitos/Hanni

ive thought alot about all the ppl ive met through the years and how i would probably have met them if i was the person back then that i am today and that everything happens for a reason, or more like doesnt happen for a reason. when i went to Annecy after graduating High School i didnt have a clue it would change my whole life. i never thought i would fall in love with living abroad and that it would be the beginning of a life time of passion for living aborad, getting to know new cultures and new ppl and making new friends. i had no idea what a trip to Annecy would mean to me. it literally blew my mind with its beauty. of course almost everything was amazing since it was my first time living abroad by myself. aking friends of my own, getting to know ppl from other countries, learning how to speak proper French etc. i was actually psycked about it that i inspired a good friend of mine to go on a long trip to the other side of world,a trip that had been a dream of hers but she didnt know if she had the gutts to actually do it but with some sparkeling inspiration from my side she finally had the gutts to pull it off. Annecy was to me like the gas is to cars, ro more like the fire behind it all. it led me to Florence where i didnt meet that many exciting ppl that i thought i would meet but i did make some friends. after 3 semesters in Florence i decided enough as enough so i moved to Sweden where i startd studying french at the university of Lund. and am I glad i did that or what? becus thats where i met my happy and energetic friend Anna from Linköping who was 2 years younger than me and living with her former boyfriend Emil. me and Anna studied like maniac for the exams and shared both tears (me) and laughs (her and me). eventually i moved To Paris where i lived for 3 1/2 years. i made some really good friends there, some i still keep in touch with and some i dont. but i was still not satisfied and happy and becus of my former low self-esteema and frustration i moved to Barcelona which im very glad i did or i wouldnt have had the amazing opportunity to discover that amazing culture. and actually meet really nice ppl, and drinking and partying until 7am which was something i had never done before and see so much in Bcn and in Spain and learning how to life life, studying photography in Spanish, actually succeeding to defend my final project infront of my teachers in Spanish. making friends i didnt think i would meet. all of this happened becus of former low self-esteem and insecurity. if i would have been the person back then that i am today i wouldnt have met all of these amazing ppl and seen so many beautiful places and learning how to speak French and Spanish and (hopefully soon) Italian in a proper way. maybe i would still have been that shy girl that i was before who was always in the background (ok in some situations im still that girl but not in the same way). maybe i would have had the same job for years and getting frustrated over that. who knows? and i would prob nt have the same style or find my way of putting my word and art out in the world. so im very very grateful for my older insecurities becus its becus of that that i am the person i am today. a driven, straight-forward girl who loves meeting new ppl and making new friends and hopefully keeping in touch with them too over the years. 

when i was in Barcelona for 2 weeks this summer i thought alot about how interesting it is how ppl meet and where and when they meet in their life. i find it really interesting how some ppl are satisfied with themselves at a very early age and meet their love of their life at that same age and maybe live in the same city their whole life ( not that its any wrong with that) whereas other ppl have to go through so much insecurity and suffering and other good and bad experiences in order to get to that point where they think, ok enough is enough, i am good enough. but if these ppl (including moi) wouldnt have all of these insecurities etc we would never have met, we wouldnt have changed the world, we wouldnt have inspired each other to grow and be each others teachers. we wouldnt have grown the way we need to grow in order to become the person that we are today. so what i want to say with this is that we should think good and happy thoughts about our insecurities and have the gutts to show them instead of hiding them like we re tought to do and thinking negative thoguhts about them. becus i believe the world would be a much greater place if we just had the guts to show the world how f*cking amazin we are with our insecurities and everything that comes with it. and we all need each other in different periods of our life. 

so thank you everyone of my friends (and friends of friends and other people whom ive hung out with during my time abroad) and boyfriends and guys that ive dated throughout the time, for being a part of my journey. im so grateful for all of you ppl, whether or not we still keep in touch. thank u for our memories that we share and all of the experiences we ve shared. thank u for making my world a beautiful place. without u i wouldnt be the person that I am today. 

if my future will be as amazing as my journey has been so far (with both good and bad experiences and loneliness and happiness and all of that) i will be an even more happy person. so thank u, thank u thank u all of u new friends that i will make in my future.

amore/Hanni

yday i had the blues. sometimes evevything just feels so hopeless. and thats when all of those questions decide to pop up. usually questions that make u feel like ur not good enough. and a failure. its not always easy to live in Sweden with all the high expectations that ppl and the society have on each other. thats one of the reasons why i lived abroad for so many years becus the pressue is alot less there to be perfect. especially if ur a sensitive soul like most artists are, then its not always so easy. im not saying life is easy for the others but when u think about all the pressure we put on one another. theres so much we SHOULD have and be that if we dont have all of that it makes us feel inadequate, if we dont live that fabulous life with many close friends, with an amazing boyfriend, with an amazing job with a high salary we are not good enough and usually a failure of course it all depends on our own thoughts but still, we do get effcted by the society that we live in and the surrounding that we live in. and unfortunally we swedes have a pressure on us to not show our emotions and we should be that and that...the list goes on and on. of course one cannot blame anyone else for one´s thoughts and happiness/unhappiness, everyone´s responsable for their own thoughts and feelings but living in a society where most ppl judge other ppl in silence when u know ur a bit different..well well..we re all humans..

anyway i get very inspired by how other nationalities think and act, especially my friends who live in the cities where ive lived. especially in Spain, they seem very happy with what they have yes they are very manana manana and they can be extremely lazy and uneffecient ( even my Spanish friends have this opinion so its not only me=)) and its alot that doesnt work in Spain but something that they are very good at is being happy about nothing. its prob becus of their history, they cant afford to complain and be unhappy becus then they would be unhappy all the time. they are very good at living in the moment. ok, they have very nice weather most of the time and beautiful nature and they can go waterskiing or do alot of different kinds of sports in the nature and its cheap there so yes the circumstances are different, but still. when i talked to those ppl from Madrid last week end it reminded me how extremely kind Spanish ppl can be and happy and easy to be with. and easy to talk to. and they are just soooo kind, they dont judge ppl, they dont judge other Spanish ppl (well maybe they do but thats not the impression that i got when i lived there) beus they are ok being not perfect, they dont care if they yell at each other or if they are lazy becus everyones lazy over there, its ok to be lazy and just enjoy life there. and thats something that i miss here. but Swedish ppl can also be really kind and funny, i know i complain alot about Swedish ppl and the society that we have but i am proud to be Swedish and the things that we are good at and the kindness that Swedish ppl have. i juts think that would prob feel alot better if we would lay off the "good girl" complexion that we have and that we have to be perfect and live the perfect life. yell a little bit more, speak our minds and just love each other for what we are and what we not are. and dare to show our emotions, that would prob increase our happiness alot. and another thing that ive thought about is that i think the reason why sports are so important to us Swedes (i mean except for the obvious reason of course) is becus its a way for us to clear our thoughts and our emotions. i think thast why we go so much to the gym. in fact almost everytime i go out for a walk with our dogs i see ppl jogging with a worrying expression on their face. i rarely see happy ppl jog. its becus we re not tought how to express our emotions, we re tought that its a bad thing to show our emotions which is sad. cus once we do it we feel so much better. and i think thats one reason why for example Spanish ppl and Italian ppl dont work ut that much, they dont have the same need as we have to do sports cus they get to express their emotions and opinions on a regular basis.

so to go back to yday, i had the blues cus i just couldnt get inspired to finish my painting, it was just impossible for it to come and sometimes its like that so when i came home from doing an arrend and seeing a friend of mine for a coffee in the centre i came home and saw that Friends was on the tv and that was exactly what i needed. so i just watched Friends season 3 for a couple of hours and laughed so much. and after trying to finish my painting while watching Friends i just gave up and went to the couch with my laptop on top of me and thought, its ok to have the blues and feel insecure about how to finish it. i dont have to be self-confident about my work all the time. it will come to me eventually. and just thinking that thought calmed me down. so this morning i went out for a walk first thing in the morning and got some air in my lungs and i just cleared my worrying thoughts and just said to myself, everythings gonna be allright. cus everything is gona be allright. whatever ur worries are about it will be allright, they can seem small to other ppl but they may be big for you so ive learnt through the years that whats best for is to to take one day at a time and to take small steps. and thats allright.

Amor/Hanni

yday i wrote about love and today im gonna continue writing about this subject. 

ive thought about all the guys ive been with, both boyfriends and guys that ive dated. ive been with many different kinds of nationalities trough the years, most of them happened between the age of 23 and 26, and it was exciting i must admit. most of them I dated during my years in Paris. ive dated french guys (obviously), from Panama, an Italian guy, an american guy, an Australian guy, an Argentinian guy ,Swedish guys...some of them have lasted one month, some 2 months, some have just been flirts , some more serious (not all of them have been in Paris but also in Sweden and in BCN). and ive thought about what kind of guys ive dated. and now that i think about it most of the guys have been economists of different kinds and the funny thing is that ive always been against economists becus ive thought economy is such a dull subject and if ur economist u are like all the guys that have gone to the same schools as I, which mean they ve been preppy kinda guys..so why have i dated these guys if i didnt even like what they were doing?  ive never dated artists, photographers or any of those people. never. havent even been drawn to them. and im the artist. isnt it funny? usually ppl are drawn to ppl who do the same thing as they do but for me its always been the opposite...or maybe its been the rebel in me? dont know. but i do know i realised it when i was in my 3 year in Paris and had just stopped dated this French guy who was economist and "stopped" my fling (ok very short fling, it lasted during a party) with an American guy. and it occured to me that they, in fact, were all economists, and i remember thinking to myself, hey, WHY am I dating these guys that im not even attracted to and not even my type? pourquoi? so i stopped dating for a while until this Australian guy came into my life when i had moved to Bcn and liked my life again. anyway so ive reflected how it all has happened.

                  it was always the case that the guy liked me to begin with and started to "chase" me. and i was always not so interested in the guy, and i just went on wih my life and i didnt think about the guy in question so much until after a while when i fooled myself into thinking all those questions that girls tend to think, " well maybe i AM into the guy after all? maybe he is the guy for me, he IS very sweet.." i fooled myself to think that i liked the guy, but deep inside i knew that i wasnt that interested in the guy and it was of course when i had fooled myself ito thinking that i WAS in fact interested in the guy that the guy lost interest in me becus I WAS the one doing the chasing. subcounsiously of course. i wasnt aware of it back then but now that im older and wiser;P i understand why they all of the sudden lost interest. it was becus i stopped focusing on me and MY happiness AND the guy became the center of my attention and my life. no wonder they got scared away=)  but i remember being so afraid that they would discover the "real" me, i didnt dare to show the real me, for example if i was pissed off at them or annoyed at them for disturbing me in the middle of the night or just wanting "ME to come to them (which i happily did, again, why?) and not the other way around. i never had the gutts to show my irritation at them but that is thank god slowly going away=) i mean the fear of showing to them when im not happy with something specific. it all becomes very clear to me now, well clearer and clearer atleast.

but i also remember thinking that i was so relieved everytime the dating with a guy had stopped, i remember asking myself, "were u really interested in him or was it just a physical thing, Hanne?", and the answer was always, " a physical thing". always and always. it was always the same story, the guy being interested in me, chasing me and i fooled myself into thinking he was the one and then the guy lost all interest. but i didnt get emotionally attached to the guys. yes i did cry at times, sometimes more and sometimes less, some guys i cried alot about, some guys nothing. i remember dating this french guy who was clearly not the guy for me, he was prob the biggest jerk ive ever dated (he wasnt mean, he was just a very rich Parisian player from the 7th arrondissement which says it all) and i rememeber updating my best friend about this on a regular base and she always asked me, so, whats the news on the dramaqueen? (that was our nickname for him). has he done anything crazy? and i would upate her about all the stories. we both laughed so much. it was hilarious all of it. and thank god that i could laugh about it, sometimes i even cried so much we laughed..so i wasnt very hurt when he stopped calling. it was just a very good story. but in "revenge" (it wasnt revenge but from the outside it could be seen as revenge, ´but i just had fun) i started dating his friend, his very good-looking friend i must add, and this guy F, he was actually alot cooler than the other guy. i remember dancing so much with him. he was a good dancer. and since they were all rich i got to see all of these really nice-looking appartments in the 7th arr. really big and luxourious. with amazing view (although i had a pretty amazing view myself from my studio=) so ive seen alot from my dating days through the years. its of course alot more fun reminiscing now and thinking about the good things than being in that position all confused and crying or laughing about it. 

                   but something that i knew deep down back in my dating days was that i didnt want a relationahip. especially not in Paris becus i was too afraid i would get tied down. not literally but u know what I mean. ive always been very restless and curious about the world and ive always wanted to discover the world on my own. ive always been very independent, liking to have my own space and doing my own thing and i think, in Paris, i knew i would eventually move. deep down i knew it but its not until uve moved that u realize that that was what u wanted. and that was the case for me. i wasnt ready for a relationship until i was one month away from moving back from Spain to Sweden and thats of course when i met the guy that came to be my boyfriend=) it didnt last that long, only a year ( a bit more than a year) but hes still a good friend of mine and i will have him in my heart forever. 

                    so to go back to the economists, ive realised this year that they are alot more fun than you would think...they are not that boring actually. and the same thing goes for lawyers (ive alwas been against lawyers since my parents are lawyers) cus i thought they were boring but when i worked for my parents in the month of August i realised that their profession is far from being dull. its not my thing, i could never work at an office from 9-5pm, i would get so restless=) but i can understand those who do it. 

                   my family (and my closest friends) have alwas been very curious about who I will end up, i mean not only what kind of person he will be but what kind of nationality he will be. since ive dated so may differet kinds of nationalities and ive always been more south european than swedish in my thinking and acting and feeling ive always seen myself with someone from south of europe. but ive also realised that it would be nice if he could have a swedish side also...the cleaness and tidyness and being on time and being trustworthy and polite and all of that we value here in Sweden. cus too much drama is not my thing. im not cut out for it.  so anyway, we re all curious where he will be from, maybe he will be Swedish, who knows?, maybe he will be 50/50. half swedish, half something else..all i know is that i can feel all the puzzle pieces coming together one at a time...

im gonna walk our dogs now, they are prob very impatient now, if i know them well;P

cherios as my australian friend would say.

amor/Hanni

recently ive been thinking alot about love. everything that concerns love, the word love, the true meaning of it, my ex boyfriends, guys that ive dated and so on. i got this beautiful book " 121 dikter om kärlek" (121 poems about love) as a birthday gift from my sisters and it contains soo many beautiful poems. all in swedish. from poets that are uknown to me, well most of them atleast. and when i read them they are so passionated, stheres so much sorrow, joy, hopelessness, happiness, fantasy, secresy (is that how its spelled?) each and one of the poema seem so real, so full of life. and thats probabl what i think of when i think of the word love, full of life. thrilling, passionated, amazing, exotic, brilliant, dazzling, glowing, incredible, magic, miracle, lovely, outrageuous...those are words that i found on this list online called http://www.winspiration.co.uk/positive.htm. check it out! its truly amazing and a good reminder of what we all are. we just have to get connected with our inner guide..anyway, thats not the topic of today. 

              lets get back to love. trhilling love like that has never happened to me but im like Kate winslet in the movie, "The Holiday", have u seen it? in the begining of the movie she says she thinks of love constantly, its on her mind 24/7 and its the same way for me. not necessarily having-a-boyfriend-kinda love (Yes im single), but love in all forms. love for my dogs, love for my family, love for my friends, love for the nature around me, the neighbourhood where i live in, love for my passions..and love for myself too. 

              i didnt used to have love for myself, i used to think if only i have that and that (material things and many friends) then i would be happy. i conctantly searched for something that would fulfill me, if my friens didnt treat me the way i expected them to then id get very disapointed and i thought if only i had many firens and if only they were amamzing in every possible way, if they were perfect and treated me like someone special then i was satisfied. but i could feel this restlessness and frustration in my body, but i was too young to recognize the feeling and thoughts of no being good enough. then i finally hit rock bottom at the age of 25 and this amazing woman came into my life (not on the street but through family) and she and then eventually another woman helped me by giving me the right tools to make me realise it was the love for myself that was missing. it took me about 3 years ( or 28 years depending on how u see it) to get where i am today. im not fully content with everything yet but do u ever get fully content with urself? but i am starting to love myself for the person that i am which im very proud of=)

ok i got a bit off track here. this was supposed to be about love. 

          ok so when i read my poems book the words are so beautiful. so passionated. yeah like i wrote before, full of life. and thats what love is supposed to be all about if im not mistaken? 

          i sometimes think of the word love in different languages and the feeling it can give you. well the word love is beautiful in any language but the words can give different effects depending on what language the word is written i. but im not gonan go deep into the scientific meaning of the word love. i just love writing the word love in different  languages. the languages i know the word love in is, jag älskar dig (Swedish), I love you (Eng of course), je t´aime (French), te quiero (Spanish and it sounds sooo sweet), ti amo (Italian, sounds surprisingly non draamtic for being Italian...) and ischtekiru  (japanese, have no idea how the prunounciation is supossed to be spelled but i think its something like that). arent they beautiful, the words? i loove saying it in Spanish, te quiero. its so sweet and yet so powerful...i thik te quiero is my favorite one. i say it constantly to my Spanish friend C...

here is a poem that is written in my book, (m sorry, it is in swedish and translating it would not only be impossible but not fair to the the poet=)):

"Du är den ende" by Bo Setterlind

"Du är den ende, som hemligen ser mig,

fast ingen har talat du vet vad jag ber dig.

min längtan är bara du. Bott du mig ger

ett enda litet prd, är jag din.

Du är den ende, jag aldrig kan glömma,

din mun, dina ögon, din lugnande stämma.

Och därför jag ber dig nu: Blott du mig ger

ett enda litet ord är jag din.

Inget som du, fast du hör till en annan,

skänker mig kärlek, hos dig vill jag stanna!

Mitt öde det är att bli din i min fantasi,

del av den värld som är din.

Du är den ende, som får mig att drömma,

den ende som anar, vad tårarna gömma.

min längtan är bara du. Om blott du ger

ett enda ord, är jag din.

Du är den den ende, ja aldrig kan glömma,

din mun, dina ögon, din lugnande stämma.

Och därför jag ber dig nu: Blott du mig ger

ett enda litet ord, är jag din.

Ingen som du, fast du hör till en annan,

skänker mig kärlek, hos dig vill jag stanna!

Mitt öde det är att bli din i min fantasi,

del av den värld som är din."

isnt it beautiful? well my readers who do not speak Swedish may not understand it but you who are Swedish can understand what i mean.

             Like i wrote in my blog last week end im a firm believer of magic. and that goes for love to.

i cant stop thinking about it. well i doont think about it 24/7 but almost. atleast when im by myself, especially if i read a book or if im out walking my dogs and see something beautiful. i cant stop thinking about different kids of beauty in the world, or just beauty of the nature. or the beauty of a moment, like walking our dogs that i still enjoy doing. i tend to get very easily carried away when i read a bookthat is about love, hey i even dedicate my work of arts to love. i will port picgtures of my work of art later and u will see what i mean. 

cus love i something that ts impossible to get enough of. its like a drug, its probably the biggest drug there is in this world. it can drive you mad, nuts, it can make u jealous, it can make u shiver, it can make u laugh incontrably, it can make u feel like the only person in the world to this person, it can make u smile. it can make u do things u didnt think was possible ( well atleast thats what ive heard, as i wrote before ive never experienced this kind of love before...but i know it will come soon, i can just feel it). and plus if love didnt exist, what would we live for really? everything would be so boring. naaah love is da shit. whether it is for urself, for friends, for ur dogs, for ur parents...

but something that i realize more and more is ( and this time i speak from experience) that u cant love someone if u dont love and accept urself. becus true love comes from finding true love and happiness in urself and when u accept urself wih all ur flaws and fears and insecurities and all the good things about you, thats when u can truly accept someone else. becus love is not jealous, love is just love after all.

ok im gonna go out to walk our dogs now, and probably dreamaway, thinking of the beauty in the world and about love...

amor/Hanni

today me and a friend of mine went on a day trip to Falsterbo which is one of 4 small "villages" so to speak down the south coastline. its really beautiful over there, many ppl have summer houses there, there is alot of forest and just very beautiful nature there. not very different from the one in Malmö but still...its on the "country side" so to speak...we were their just for a couple of hours. it takes like nothing t get there. only a 20 minutes ride from malmö so it nothing really but still i dont spend that much time there, even tho ive been to this café (Cafe Kust) quite alot the last couple of years.  at first me and my friend we talked about going to Copenhagen or Helsingborg (anothe city quite closeby to malmö) but then when we woke up today and saw the weather (its cloudy) we realised it was more of a sitting-down-at-a-café-and-the-walk-around-in-the-nature kinda day than walking around in a city. dont get me wrong, i love going to big cities, going from café to café and check out all the stores etc but sometimes that can get a bit...i dont know...shallow...if ur not in a shopping mood then its not so much fun just walking around in stores so then i prefer walking around in the nature instead. just to breath in the air, the really clear air, seeing almost no one in the nature except for a cple of ppl walking their dogs is freeing. its just so calm and peaceful. 

this community is really cute and pretty with all their cute houses. its just so calm and yes again peaceful. its not a town or a city with many cafés and stores, its just houses, a church, couple of golf courses, the beach, the forest, the small cottages where ppl get dressed for swimming. 

i can understand why so many ppl decide to live there, really live there and not only during the summer. they even have their own schools and stuff... if u wanna see what it looks like u should google skanör/Falterbo or Ljunghusen/Höllviken...absolutely beautiful!

               and a fun thing that happened was that i had a conversation with some Spanish ppl! they were sitting next to me and my friend, or more i heard them speaking spanish so ia sked them in Spanish if the table next to them was available which is was and then after a short while i asked the lady what the reason wa why they were in falsterbo ( vus its not really a famous place...) and she said her husband had a work thingie in malmö so they just came to falsterbo for the day...and then aftar a while her friend who she had told that i spoke Spanish asked me if i could help them translate the menu since it was all in swedish which of course i dodnt mind helping them with. and then we started talking.  not about anything special, just about what they had seen (they had been to copenhagen yday) and a bit about the weather in Spain and here and stuff like that and they had some questios about sweden etc...but it gave me so much! i love speaking Spanish! i just love it! and i love that i can still remember so much of the language. and they of course told me that i spoke really good spanish. whatelse would they say;P. but it still made ma happy. they came from Madrid which is a city that i really love. its sucha cool city. and talking to them made me realize how much i miss spanish ppl and their kindness and just talking to them cus they are so kind and helpful and they dont mind if u dont talk fluent Spanish...they are just happy that u give it a try...it made me smile=)

so thank u so much you Madrilenos=)!!!! u made my day!

amor/Hanni

ever since i was a little child i have believed in magic. magic makes everything beautiful. magic makes everything fun. magic makes everything exciting. I´ve always felt a bit different compared to the other kids, ppl have alwyas told me that im special and different. not just my family but friends of friends, older ppl, young ppl...u name it. not always easy hearing it and believeing it without becoming too big if u know what i mean. too much ego is never good. but i think if i would become too much ego then my closest friends and family would prob kiss my ass so that shouldnt be a probleme;p anyway, growing up as the youngest one in a family where all i could hear was about different laws here and there and problems, problems and problems made me indifferent to serious stuff. (thats the negative part about being a daughter of two lawyers i guess:P) i became at a very early age "allergic" to serious stuff, i found it alot more fun to be in my own special world where i could create my own magic and make the world a more beautiful place. ive always been a very creative child and very into changes. and with changes i mean changing things very fast. i used to as a 3 year old do puzzles on the floor when everyone already gone to bed (my parents realized a early age that it was pointless to wait for me to go to bed so they went to bed before me). i would always pick my own outfits in school (at the age of 7 i believe), i would always wear the same dress for a whole summer, i would refuse to wear pants for a period, and then changing my mind to only wear pants and not dresses (this was when i was 12, so very old and mature and cool in my own eyes:P). i became at a very early age inerested in books, i would read books to the point of madness, dreaming away to a more childish world i guess, where everything was allowed. and that followed me when i wrote books in 5th grade ( my grandmother was prob the proudest grandmother on earth...:P) where i would use my infinite imagination writing crime stories.

then i became interested in sewing clothes. then make-up- ( i was the first one to use make-up in my class at the age of 12), then followed by a huge interest in changing my hair with different colours of high lights. then i became interested in changing hair styles, then doing straight hair for 3 years (having wavy hair was soooo last season...., what was i thinking????), i had golden pants in 9th grade becus that was soooo cool back then, also, what was i thinking?

              ive done alot of changes in my life, very radical changes, one second doing thing and then next second changing it completely, like moving from one place another, changing careers, changing cultures, changing cities, changing languages...feeling so down and lonely i almost quit my school in 2nd year in paris and almost moved home but never give up has always been my motto. until i actually gave up a year ago when i realized living abroad was not as cracked up as it seemed, atleast not if u did it by urself. so moved home, started a new life but thank god with old friends and my very supportive family whos always there for me no matter what. but no matter what happened in my life, good things or bad things, ive always believed in magic. ive always believed in making something beautiful out of something ugly. something that ppl might not see at first sight but me, ive always seen the potential in "ugly" things. in clothes, accessories, art, u name it. being very neat and careful about things has not been my thing, following recepies hasnt been my thing either, im too restless and impatient for that. ive more believed in making something beautiful out of something not-perfect than doing everything perfect. becus im not perfect, actually very far from being perfect, ive done misstakes, big ones, but why care about doing everything so perfect it gets boring? growing up as the youngest one allowed me to be like a child, and ive taken that with me my whole life. life gets so much more fun if u see it from a childs point of view. 

               since ive always been very creative i see everything wherever i go as a possitibility to making something beautiful. if i walk through a field with trees (especially now in the fall) i see instantly if something would make a great picture or a idea for a sketch or a print.

              the world can be pretty rough and tough, bad news is sometimes all u see, on the news on the tv, in the newspapers, in commercials...it follows u everywhere u go. and the society pressures u to read all this, u should know about this thing that happened in syria a week ago or what happened in venezuela or in irak etc...why? why do i need to know it? its my life, my world..it happens so much bad stuff in the world that so many ppl seem to focus on only the bad stuff thats going on in the world...no wonder ppl get depressed or sad..im not saying its not important, not everyone can be like me or nothing would change in wars and serious matters, but i do believe in magic and i think if everyone (or atleast many ppl) would allow themselves to believe in magic they would understand the magic of wonders. cus magic is everywhere=) its doesnt necessarily have to be alladin...but magic is everywhere whether u believe it or not. magic can be a friend calling u all of a sudden to give u some good news or give u an offer u cant resist or a boy texting u a week after you´ve met saying it was the best kiss ever or a beautful sunset, or the sun shining through clouds or making new friends or sharing a good laugh with a friend or gettin that dream job uve always dreamt about or getting kissed by the perosn u love most in the world...

                 it seems like ppl only focus on the bad stuff but there is so much beauty in this world, not only in nature and in beautiful waterfalls..magic is in the small moments and believe me, magic is everywhere. 

anyway getting to the point of being special and different as so many ppl keep telling me that i am. if special and different means being allowed to be like a child that sees beauty in everything then its not such a bad thing after all. and if i can make the world a more beautiful place through my art and creativity with love and magic then im gonna be the happies girl in the world=)

           i hope ppl will believe more in magic, wonders and miracles becus once u do it, u cant stop...its like the chips, once u pop, u cant stop...

i had to upload this picture again of my dear nieces...becus ther are truly the best things ever in my life. they may scream and shout or be stubborn to the point of madness (far from being always but there are moments...where theres not harmony if i can put it in kind words=)) or really kind and sweet and funny and cocky and...more clever than me and my family will ever be..but they are my world and the best thing on earth, and believe me, im not the hugest fan of kids in general...but these ones....they changed everything...atleast my world, and THAT is magic and a MIRACLE.

amore/Hanni